9 Nonalcoholic Drinks From Trader Joe's, Ranked Worst To Best

Trader Joe's is a great place to go if you're looking for fun and interesting beverage options year-round, but particularly right now if you're participating in Dry January. Whether you're just cutting alcohol out for the month or part of the ever-growing sober-curious movement, you'll find plenty of mocktail options and wine alternatives in the vibrant aisles of the friendly neighborhood market.

The biggest mocktail mistake of them all is adding too many flavors, but you won't run that risk with any of these beverages — they all come pre-mixed and ready to drink as-is. Many of them are also new additions to Trader Joe's, which is always exciting for fans of the store. As we all know, however, not every new product is a home run, and we were set on finding out which ones came out on top ... and which ones flopped. Here are nine nonalcoholic drinks from Trader Joe's, ranked worst to best.

This beverage is one of two Something Spritzy options on this list, and it's labeled as the "festive" one (a.k.a. the winter variation of the beverage). Something Spritzy is certainly trying to taste festive, but not in a good way. First of all, it's much more sugary than the other Something Spritzy on this list ... and not in a good way. It's a very sickening kind of sweet that sort of just sticks to the roof of your mouth like it's waiting for something — it just doesn't go away. It's super disconcerting and tastes heavy and overly tart. 

It also seems like all the wrong flavors together — the cranberry does not mesh well with the grapefruit. This combination is overwhelming, and after taking a few sips, I needed a full glass of water. This beverage reminds me of something from my past that I did not like — what that is, I couldn't rightly tell you. Regardless, it does not taste good. Something Spritzy should not try to be festive anymore.

The Brewed Ginger Beer from Trader Joe's is a fan favorite and disappeared from the shelves a couple years ago only to finally make a triumphant return recently. It's a pretty standard ginger beer and tastes, to me, mostly like any other. There's a pleasant flatness to it – the carbonation is very mild, and it's very gingery, which is appreciated. Unfortunately, these good traits are overshadowed by the fact that this drink is — like Something Spritzy — way too sweet to drink by itself straight out of the can. Ginger beer is usually very sweet, but this one is overwhelming and straight up unpleasant to drink.

Perhaps if you are an avid ginger beer drinker, you can get over this, but I, personally, cannot. If this was even a little less sweet, it would be way higher on this list because you can tell when drinking it that there's a good taste somewhere in there. I could see this ginger beer being way better when mixed with a different beverage, like a seltzer or sparkling water. In that case, it'd be a great alcohol replacement for mule lovers. Regardless, it sits solemnly at number six. Hey, it's better tasting than Something Spritzy!

Non-Alcoholic Rosé Sparkling Tea may look like a non-alcoholic wine, but actually, it's more of a tea than anything. It's a mixture of four different types of tea (black, green, white, and oolong) with some grapes added in. The first noticeable thing about this drink is that it smells like a glass of pleasant all-purpose cleaner — a citrus-scented one. This doesn't exactly scream "rosé," but, hey, it certainly looks like pink wine.

That's about where the similarities stop, though. Upon taking a drink, this beverage is definitely tea. This is a citrus tea — an overwhelmingly citrus tea, actually. It's tart and sour, and there is a hint of rosé taste, but it's very faint. If you're looking for an alternative to floral, citrusy sparkling wine, this might be for you. My friend (a former Brut lover who is now sober) tasted it with me and said that she could see it scratching the itch of wanting some bubbly. Overall, this beverage is drinkable (despite smelling like cleaner) and lands politely at number seven.

Non-Alcoholic Blanc Sparkling Tea is the sister of the previous entry on this list, and is another tea disguised as a sparkling wine. This time, it's meant to taste like Prosecco, and it does a much better job than its sibling. Right away, it smells like actual sparkling wine. There's no citrus or cleaner smell, but there is a hint of tea scent, which makes sense because it, too, is made with a combination of teas (green, white, and oolong).

I am happy to report that it tastes just like it smells — Non-Alcoholic Blanc Sparkling Tea actually tastes very similar to sparkling wine, making it a great non-alcoholic alternative. Thankfully, there is no citrus in sight. You can tell it's tea, and there's a very prominent green apple flavor that overpowers the rest (not a critique). Although it's pretty tasty, like the previous drinks on this list, it is also comically sweet, which sort of kills the vibe for me. It would probably be closer to perfect with some seltzer added to dilute it a bit. Because of this, it comes in at number six — tasty, a fine alternative to sparkling wine, but still too sweet for my tastes (though much better than the previous ones).

I'm going to sound like a total hypocrite here, but Trader Joe's Sparkling Apple Cider is delicious, despite it — like the others — being extremely sweet (which, sure, it's basically just apple juice). The difference here is that this beverage has an amazing taste. It's a fantastic sparkling apple cider and one heck of a treat. The sweetness pairs with a lovely tartness and a heavy apple aftertaste — it just all works together. It's one of the best store-bought apple ciders I've personally ever tasted.

If you are a cider person looking to find a nonalcoholic alternative, this is the beverage for you. It's great right out of the bottle — no need to add anything to it. Although it's delicious, for me, it lands at number five because it's specifically a great alcohol alternative to only those who love drinking cider. For everyone else, it might not do the trick (despite it being a fantastic drink).

Here comes the summer variation of Something Spritzy, still available at Trader Joe's, and I'm delighted to report it's a much better choice than its winter counterpart. If you're in the mood for something spritzy without the alcohol, this variation is the beverage for you. Straight away, it smells like an alcoholic drink, in a good way because of the bitters. More importantly, it just has a great taste — the pineapple is very prominent, but the orange complements it perfectly. It tastes like a slightly watered-down Mai Tai or tequila sunrise drink, sans alcohol.

Overall, this is a great alcohol-free alternative for Dry January and beyond. It tastes like a cocktail, smells like a cocktail, and has a bite to it in the best possible way while also being very sweet (but not sickly sweet). Cocktail lovers will probably enjoy this — it's a great, pre-mixed mocktail. It's not exactly hydrating, however — you wouldn't grab this on a Tuesday afternoon for a refreshing pick-me-up. If you're going to grab a Something Spritzy, though, this variation is the overall better choice, compared to its sibling. However, it's not quite the best nonalcoholic drink at Trader Joe's (those are still to come).

Here we have the second nonalcoholic replacement for rosé on this list, this time sold as a single can rather than an entire bottle. Ladies and gentlemen, they have done it — this is the better of the two, by far. Organic Sparkling Rosé Tea Beverage is just sweet enough and very tasty. It's tart, with a lot of grape flavor and a rosé aftertaste that sticks around just long enough. Overall, this is a pleasant drinking experience and a good alternative to actual sparkling wine.

Sure, it does taste like tea, but it's not overwhelmingly floral or citrusy. It's also just a better-tasting tea than the bottled sparkling rosé tea — perhaps this is because of the white grape juice to tea ratio. Grapes are far more present here than in the other one, and the drink is better for it. It's also very light-tasting; subtle in the best possible way. You could throw a couple of these back easily, without the hangover. Overall, this is a fine substitute for sparkling rosé (but hopefully, you also like tea).

Sparkling Strawberry Juice sounds like a dream mocktail — it's bubbly, low in calories, and just really pretty to look at. I had high hopes for this one, and they were met with flying colors — this drink, if I'm to describe it the most truthfully, honestly rocks. It's bubbly, sweet but not overly so, and pleasant. It tastes like those strawberry candies from childhood that were wrapped to look like actual strawberries, but in liquid form (and watered down a bit). This was a nostalgic, lovely taste — a true treat.

It's also one of the more customizable beverages on this list and would pair well with a number of other beverages, making it a great mocktail mixer. You could mix this with one of Trader Joe's many juices or truly any seltzer. Alternatively, you can mix this bad boy with a bit of Sprite. Overall, Sparkling Strawberry Juice is a fantastic mocktail option, on its own or when combined with other beverages. You're sure to love it if you're into sweet cocktails or wines (like a moscato or muscadine wine, for example).

Trader Joe's Seltzer Water flavored with Lemon and Ginger Juice is honestly fantastic. It's like an elevated sparkling water — the added 2% of juice really goes a long way as far as flavor goes. It tastes like a light ginger beer without being way too sweet to drink on its own. It's also just generally much better tasting than the Brewed Ginger Beer from earlier (though, honestly, when added together they might be pretty fantastic). It has a lot more substance than other seltzers, generally speaking. It's refreshing but still has a bite to it because of the added lemon and ginger juice.

This is the best nonalcoholic drink at Trader Joe's. The mocktail possibilities are plentiful — you could mix this beverage with any one of the other drinks on this list to create an alcohol alternative. If you decided to just drink it on its own, that's also fine because it's delicious. If you're going to skip on the alcohol, this month or always, this is the best choice by far. As mildly annoying as it can be shopping at Trader Joe's, this seltzer is one of the (many) reasons you should still brave those terribly small parking lots.

These beverage options were chosen due to availability on the Trader Joe's website (and, thankfully, all of them were also in stock at the store itself). They were ranked based on taste and overall drinking experience. I also considered how satisfying they each were as an alcohol replacement or alternative for Dry January or just for those who don't drink. That said, the most important thing was how good the drink tasted overall.