14 Chains' Chocolate Milkshakes, Ranked Worst To Best

I'm generally not a big dessert eater, tending to prefer more savory foods, but even I have a hard time resisting the pull of a classic chocolate milkshake. Lots of restaurants have fancy milkshakes loaded with sauces, syrups, and chopped mix-ins, which, don't get me wrong, are delicious. Still, the simplicity of ice cream, milk, and chocolate syrup is like a portal to the past, no matter which generation you happened to be born into.

Though the legal definition of a milkshake varies by state (yes, really), most of us don't get tripped up in legal semantics when we're craving something sweet to sip. Large chains might have to fudge the names of their menu items a little bit in order to stay on the right side of the law, but when it comes to consumers, most of us know a milkshake when we see it, and we know what it should taste like.

For me, a chocolate milkshake must be, of course, loaded with a rich chocolatey flavor, without going overboard on the sweetness. It should also be thin enough to sip through a straw as soon as you've got it in your hand but thick enough that you have to fight for it a little bit, and it should be smooth with no lumps of unblended ice cream. And that's exactly how I graded these 13 chain restaurant chocolate milkshakes, ranked from worst to best. Can you guess which one got the top spot?

The Hardee's Hand-Scooped Ice Cream Shake was incredibly disappointing. With a name that evokes an image of a classic milkshake in a fountain-style glass, I was expecting so much more than what I got. It was sippable — too sippable, in fact, and it sloshed around pathetically in its plastic cup as I carried it out to my car. It was at this point that I realized that the only cardinal milkshake sin is being too thin, as it spoils the entire experience.

The chocolate flavor, though slightly more present than in some other fast food shakes, was barely there. The heaping swirl of whipped cream on top was the most flavorful part of the drink, and the whole thing separated unappetizingly into milk and chocolatey flecks within minutes. At $4.99, the Hardee's chocolate shake was also one of the most expensive fast food shakes on this list, and still, it was also one of the worst.

The IHOP chocolate milkshake was probably the biggest disappointment of this entire milkshake mission. The shakes look gorgeous on the menu, and while the carry-out version, of course, won't get the visual boost from the frosted milkshake glass, I still had high expectations for the shake overall.

Sadly, after waiting nearly 20 minutes for it to be prepared, the cup was dripping with milkshake when it was handed to me, without a napkin in sight. I had to dig some up from the console of my car to clean it up. Then, adding insult to injury, the shake was so thin that it was practically chocolate milk. In fact, the Five Guys shake I'd bought 30 minutes earlier was still thicker than the freshly made IHOP shake. I do believe there was some whipped cream squished under the flat fountain drink lid, but I frankly didn't drink enough of the shake to find out.

There's a Rally's a block from my home, so I'm a frequent visitor there, and I've had the strawberry milkshake before. It was shockingly delicious, so I strolled up to the window fully expecting to be pleasantly surprised by the chocolate shake, too. Alas, that was not in the cards for me.

I'd already had three not-so-chocolate shakes that day, so the bar was already on the floor, and still, the Rally's chocolate shake failed to reach it. Even consciously reminding myself as I sipped that this was a chocolate shake, I couldn't taste a hint of chocolate in it. The Rally's shake came with a semi-opaque flat lid (the same lid used for the regular fountain beverages), which meant there wasn't even a visual signal to trick my brain into thinking I was tasting chocolate.

On the upside, it was about as thick as a shake can get while still being sippable, and the texture was really pleasant, almost like it had been blended with whipped cream. But with no whip on top, no chocolate flavor, and a price tag of nearly $4, it felt like a terrible waste. Rally's may make the best frozen french fries, but its chocolate shake is a hard pass for me. 

One would think that a fast food restaurant that primarily serves ice cream would do milkshakes well, but Dairy Queen's chocolate shake was a letdown in practically every way. It was handed to me with a tiny dollop of whipped cream on top — roughly the size of the balls of butter served on top of pancakes — and the pale coloring hinted at the weak chocolate flavor that was to come.

Truthfully, if I had been blindfolded and handed the Dairy Queen chocolate shake, I very well could have believed that it was vanilla. There just wasn't anything there that even remotely tasted like chocolate. The texture was smooth and creamy, although it was a little thin for my liking, with almost no resistance in the straw, even with the first sip, which was a letdown. For $4.29, it was a disappointing value, too. Next time I visit DQ, I'll pass on the milkshakes and go for one of its many Blizzard flavors instead.

Is a Frosty a milkshake? Not really, but it's not exactly soft-serve ice cream, either. It's a sort of in-between frozen dairy dessert, but it's definitely in the spirit of a milkshake, and fans of the Frosty might riot if I didn't include it, so I sampled it anyway. Also, in the interest of transparency, I want to disclose that I did receive it for free, but only because the worker at the counter, who had no idea I was reviewing milkshakes, was very generous, saying, "I'm not going to charge you for that," when I ordered a lonely Jr. Frosty.

It was actually closer to the consistency of a milkshake than I remembered but just a tiny bit too thick to sip through a straw. One thing that makes the Frosty stand out from a milkshake is the ultra-fine but still noticeable ice crystals in the mix. It had a good chocolate flavor, and honestly, I like the Jr. size. Most of the time, I only want a few sips of a shake anyway, especially after a filling meal, and the Jr. Frosty was the perfect size for that. And at $1.99, it was the perfect price, too.

I really need to stop doubting Arby's. It is, after all, the only fast food restaurant Alton Brown will eat at, and every time I get the chance to taste something there, it manages to exceed my expectations. The chocolate shake was no exception. From the first look, it was obvious that this was going to be a different experience from the other fast food shakes I'd tried so far. The thick, fluffy mountain of whipped cream on top filled the dome-shaped lid, and the shake itself had a rich chocolatey color.

The thickness of the Arby's chocolate shake was spot on. It was sippable — no need to reach for a spoon — but thick enough that I had to fight for it a little bit, and the chocolate flavor was just right, too. Arby's was my third milkshake stop of the day, and even with two other shakes in the cupholders next to me, the Arby's shake was the one I kept reaching for.

Burger King is my least favorite fast food restaurant. I recently ranked its Mozzarella Fries as the worst chain restaurant cheese sticks. So, to say that I wasn't expecting much from the Burger King chocolate milkshake would be an understatement. Oddly enough, though, it was surprisingly tasty.

It looked thin, sloshing around in the cup as I carried it to my car, but it felt thick while sipping, which was a little strange, but I can roll with it. It had a good amount of chocolate but no toppings, which was also confusing, considering it was served with a domed lid. Still, I enjoyed it. The flavor was almost comparable to Chick-fil-A's chocolate shake, even if the texture wasn't quite as good. For $3.99, the price was right, too. I probably still won't be making any trips to BK any time soon, but if I find myself riding shotgun in the Burger King drive-through, I'd probably get a shake.

The McDonald's chocolate shake was a bit of a hassle to get my hands on because, shockingly, the shake machine wasn't working at the first location I went to. Not willing to give up so easily, I headed to another nearby location and ended up striking gold. 

McDonald's doesn't call its chocolate shake a milkshake (being a national chain, it has to conform to all state laws regarding what can legally be called a milkshake), but it's still sort of the ideal of what fast food shakes should be. The small size is actually surprisingly large, and it comes with an adorable, though slightly undersized, dollop of whipped cream. The chocolate flavor is good, but not quite as rich as I was hoping for, and it was a smidge thinner than I'd like it to be. Even so, it was more satisfying than I expected it to be, and before I knew it, I had polished off the whole thing. At $3.79, the price is pretty good, and it's an especially good value compared to a lot of the other fast food shake options that cost roughly the same with significantly less flavor.

Culver's is famous for its frozen custard, a frozen dessert that is like ice cream but with added egg yolk for smoothness, and it offers a different flavor every day at each of its locations. Though Culver's chocolate milkshake is made with the same frozen custard base as its Concrete Mixers, rather than the traditional ice cream, it's still technically a milkshake, and a darn tasty one at that. Despite it not coming with any whipped cream topping and looking rather plain in its clear plastic cup, it was surprisingly tasty.

It was almost, but not quite, too thick, and the chocolate flavor was unmistakable. The frozen custard, which is smoother and denser than regular ice cream, gave it a nice, silky texture that was very pleasant to sip, and the $4.19 price tag was almost as satisfying. Though I can't say I would go out of my way for it, it was certainly among the top fast food milkshakes I tried.

I don't typically go to Chick-fil-A, but even I know that no list of the best chocolate milkshakes would be complete without at least mentioning it. Having never had one myself, I was excited to see what all the hype was about, and the Chick-fil-A chocolate milkshake certainly lived up to it, even if its ice cream is technically not ice cream at all and has to be called "Ice Dream" for legal reasons.

Like Steak n Shake, Chick-fil-A's shake comes with whipped cream and a cherry, which is a nice touch that definitely made the whole shake more appealing. The texture was super smooth and the perfect sippable thickness — just enough resistance to make it feel like I worked for it. The chocolate flavor was maybe a little bit light, but still noticeable, and while I can certainly agree that Chick-fil-A is one of the best fast food milkshakes, it still wasn't quite good enough to take the top spot on this list.

Looking at the picture of the Red Robin chocolate milkshake online, I could feel my mouth watering. Though most restaurants top their milkshakes with whipped cream, Red Robin goes a step further, sprinkling the whip with rainbow sprinkles. It's a fun visual effect, and it certainly got me excited about the shake, but once I started sipping, I realized they don't add anything at all to the flavor. That might seem obvious, but the eyes do have a way of playing tricks on us.

Still, the shake itself was delicious. I placed my order online, and they didn't start preparing my shake until I came in to pick it up to prevent it from melting before I arrived. It only took about two minutes to prepare, and I got to watch my shake in the making. After sampling a bunch of chocolate shakes that were sadly lacking in chocolate, I was pleased to see them pouring an absolutely insane amount of chocolate syrup into it. The only thing I could think to complain about was that it was maybe just a smidge too thin. Other than that, the Red Robin shake absolutely rocked my world.

I have a slight confession to make here. I asked for whipped cream on the Five Guys chocolate milkshake. It doesn't technically come with it, but it's listed with its calorie count directly underneath "Milkshake" itself, and it's free, so it seemed reasonable enough to include. In fact, all of the mix-ins are free, too, but I resisted adding any for the integrity of the taste test.

As it turned out, the Five Guys shake didn't even need the whipped cream to stand out among all the other restaurants on this list. The thickness was perfect, and there was plenty of chocolate flavor. A cherry on top would have been ... well, the cherry on top, but it still rocked my world.

At $6.99 — the most costly on this list — the price was a little steep, especially with chocolate being the only mix-in. I suppose that's to be expected, considering Five Guys is one of the most expensive fast food restaurants around. But when you can add all nine mix-ins without spending a penny more, the value gets much better. I'll definitely be going back for a peanut butter shake with Reese's cups and bacon. That's right, I said bacon. Five Guys gets me.

I worked the night shift at Steak 'n Shake as a freshman in college, and I would sometimes (totally by accident, of course) add hot fudge to a milkshake for someone who hadn't ordered it with hot fudge. Then, rather than throwing the botched shake in the trash, I would enjoy it myself. I only did it once or twice ... per shift.

Anyway, it's fair to say I'm pretty familiar with Steak 'n Shake milkshakes, and I thought I knew how good the chocolate shake was going to be when I walked in. But it was so much better than I remembered. It comes with whipped cream and a cherry, which gives it a classic soda fountain aesthetic, and also feels a little decadent after sipping whip-less shakes for the same price.

One especially nice touch is the extra-wide straw, which made the perfectly thick milkshake immensely more sippable than the default skinny straws from other restaurants. The chocolate flavor was also especially nice, and it was the only one out of all the shakes that I tasted that had a real cocoa flavor to it, rather than the more artificial-tasting syrups other places used. It was also the only shake that I finished that day, and I had sucked it down before I even made it to my next stop. That's how good it was.

I expected Smashburger's shake to be phenomenal. It's one of my favorite restaurants and by far my favorite burger spot, and I've only found one or two places with french fries that can rival the Smash Fries. But even with my expectations through the roof, Smashburger's chocolate shake still blew them out of the water. It turns out Smashburger is raising the bar for more than just its burgers.

The worker behind the counter took extra time to make sure my shake was super smooth and lump-free, handing it to me absolutely overflowing with whipped cream. The Haagen-Dazs ice cream base was incredibly rich and exploding with chocolate, and the thickness was spot on. I actually can't think of a better milkshake that I've ever had in my life. And at $6.44, it's priced at the low end of the fast casual price range, so it's a win all around. Next time I'm craving a milkshake, I'm heading straight to Smashburger.

For this article, I selected restaurants from either national or semi-national chains, and I ordered the chocolate shakes exactly as they come (except for technically one), with no modifications, additions, or mix-ins, to ensure that I was only grading the quality and taste of the shake itself. Similarly, I ordered all of the milkshakes to-go, as I didn't want the aesthetic of the classic milkshake glass to skew my opinion of the shakes overall. Each shake was rated on overall flavor, chocolate quality, thickness, and value.