7 Chili's Burgers, Ranked Worst To Best

Chili's is an enduring American icon. As competing casual restaurant chains have continued to struggle, the Southwestern-influenced company stayed strong, even has finding some viral success in recent years. This may be partly due to its crowd-pleasing menu. People big fans of the chain restaurant's mozzarella sticks, thanks to their ability to yield excellent cheese pull moments. The Honey Chipotle Chicken Crispers another favorite. But what about the burgers? 

Everyone knows that any iconic American restaurant chain can't exist without offering several different burgers to choose from. And Chili's gives us just that with their burgers, which are aptly named "Big Mouth Burgers."

Chili's has seven burgers on the menu (at the time of writing), some of which you can turn into sliders, veggie burgers, or doubles. I tested all seven of Chili's various burgers and ranked them from my least favorite to most favorite. Read on to discover how they fared.

The Oldtimer Burger W/ Cheese is a burger topped with regular yellow mustard, cheddar cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, and diced red onion. This classic cheeseburger was ultimately my least favorite of all of the burgers I tasted that evening, thanks to the overwhelming taste of mustard. 

The first thing you taste when biting into the Oldtimer Burger is mustard. The second and third things you taste are also, unfortunately, mustard. The sheer amount of yellow mustard on both the top and bottom bun is too overwhelming, and drowns out the flavor of any other ingredient. The shredded lettuce on the bottom, slightly soggy from the excess of condiment, also didn't help this burger's case either.

The one-note taste made this burger rather unenjoyable. As the only burger of the bunch that I can say I truly did not like, it may be time to let the Oldtimer finally retire. 

The Big Smasher was a bit underwhelming. Maybe even worse than that — it was misleading. The Big Smasher isn't particularly big and certainly isn't a smash burger. Topped with Thousand Island dressing, American cheese, red onions, pickles, and lettuce, there's not much that stands out about this burger. During my taste test, I honestly kept struggling to remember which burger this was, with the only distinguishing factor being the light layer of pinkish-orange Thousand Island dressing gracing the top bun. It ranks in second to last mostly because there is nothing that makes it stand out amongst the rest. 

The layer of sauce didn't necessarily add much flavor to the meal, which tasted pretty much just like a generic cheeseburger. With a name like The Big Smasher, I was expecting — and hoping for — something like a smash burger patty (which are typically crispy and caramelized). Instead, I received what felt like the undressed version of every other burger on the menu. And when I can get more flavorful toppings, why would I ever choose The Big Smasher? 

While most standard burgers at Chili's offer only a single patty, the Bacon Rancher Burger stacks two massive patties on top of each other along with six slices of bacon, two slices of American cheese, sautéed onions, pickles, and ranch dressing. Needless to say, this burger is the one with the highest amount of calories of the bunch. 

It's also the biggest challenge to eat — best, I found, pulled apart and eaten as two open-faced sandwiches. Otherwise, I struggled to figure out how to awkwardly bite into the gigantic burger. The sandwich was unmanageable, even when cut in half. It feels like the type of burger that Europeans would use to poke fun at the excessive nature of stereotypical American meals.

The added ranch dressing is nice, but the ratio of toppings to meat is way off. It was difficult to taste anything on this burger besides the copious amount of meat, and as a big fan of the Chili's ranch dressing, I was definitely a bit disappointed by this burger. I doubt that I would order this burger again, especially with a far superior classic bacon burger on the Chili's menu. That is why it is the third from the bottom in my ranking. 

In the interest of honesty and journalistic integrity, I must admit that I went into this taste test fully assuming that the Mushroom Swiss Burger would grace the very bottom of my ranking. It's not necessarily a dish I would consider ordering at Chili's, topped with mushrooms, sautéed onions, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. But I do think that it could have ranked even higher up on my list if the powers that be behind the grill had made one slight adjustment. 

Namely, the mushrooms on the Mushroom Swiss burger definitely could have benefitted from being cooked a lot longer. They were an almost-pleasant addition to this burger, but felt kind of raw. The temperature and texture felt like they had been on the grill for no more than a minute or two — they were slightly warm and meaty, but had very little flavor and a thick, chewy texture. 

When I think of a mushroom burger, I think of dark, flavorful sautéed mushrooms cooked down with onions and a little Worcestershire sauce. These, on the other hand, really didn't add much flavor at all and just made this already-thick burger even harder to eat. 

Chili's major marketing campaign for the past few years has been focused on how its food is better and oftentimes more affordable than its fast food competitors. The end result is this McDonald's dupe, topped with ketchup, red onions, and pickles, that's pretty darn good. 

The Big QP (Big Quarter Pounder) is Chili's take on the McDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese. And Chili's version is certainly better. The Big GP burger is heftier, the toppings are more plentiful, and you'll definitely feel more satisfied after eating this than anything you'll find at fast food chain like McDonald's. 

Like the Oldtimer, there's way too much of one single condiment on this burger. The copious amount of ketchup on The Big QP seeps out of the burger in a rather unappealing way. But honestly, it's far less offensive than its mustardy counterpart. The super sugary ketchup adds a layer of sweetness to the burger that actually pairs pretty well with the tart pickles. Of all the burgers, the pickles stood out the most on this one. There's admittedly too much diced red onion on here as well, but a good portion of it falls onto the plate as you take a bite. Regardless, I still very much enjoyed this burger. 

The humble Bacon Cheeseburger is proof that sometimes less is more. This item comes topped with four slices of bacon, two slices of American cheese, and mayonnaise. Compared to its supersized counterpart, the Bacon Rancher, this bacon burger was super satisfying and the perfect size, topped with just bacon and cheese. 

There's still plenty of bacon on the classic Bacon Cheeseburger — four slices that aren't too crispy and aren't too chewy, but are cooked just right. The super smoky bacon speaks for itself, not overwhelmed by the extra ingredients that act as a deterrent on the Bacon Rancher. The proportions of meat to cheese to bun are much better on this burger, with just a touch of mayonnaise that still allows the bacon to take the front seat. I hope that this Bacon Cheeseburger remains a permanent fixture of the Chili's menu.

Among a menu of pretty similar burgers, Alex's Santa Fe really stands out. Named after Chili's Sous Chef Alex Gomez, this burger is inspired by the Southwestern roots of Chili's past. It's incredibly flavorful, using ingredients like guacamole, red onion, and cilantro that blend together nicely to make a beautiful combination of flavors that feel a step up from casual dining.

This burger is surprisingly pretty spicy despite the mountainous glob of guacamole on top. Bits of jalapeño pepper seep through the homemade guac, adding a bit of kick to every bite. Mixed alongside red onion, tomato, pickles, and cilantro, the flavor profile of this burger is far more complex and layered than any of its competitors. 

Not to mention the citrus and creaminess that comes from the homemade guacamole itself. The mix of flavors and the mix of temperatures stemming from the hot burger and cold guacamole give Alex's Santa Fe the gold standard of Chili's burgers. This was by far my favorite burger of the evening and one that I'll be thinking about for a long time. 

For this story, my methodology was to eat the burgers and determine which ones I liked more. I evaluated the burgers based on different factors, like their texture and flavor, but I paid extra attention to how their toppings worked together. 

In my opinion, nothing particularly makes a certain topping "good" or "bad." It's all about the cohesion of them all on each burger. Some of Chili's burgers had different sauces (like mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup), or a combination of the three. Some had lettuce on the bottom, and some had a slice of tomato thrown into the mix. When combined, some toppings improved the burger's recipe, while other didn't. 

I tried all seven of the main burgers that Chili's had on the menu at the time of writing (not including the Veggie Santa Fe, as it was too similar to the Alex's Santa Fe burger). All of the burgers were cooked wonderfully and sat between a golden brown brioche bun (which is hailed by Gordon Ramsay as the perfect choice for a burger). They all came with pickles and a side of fries.