I Tried Years, John Mulaney's Nonalcoholic Brand Of Beers, And This Is The Best One

Non-alcoholic beers usually don't taste like actual beer. Some come pretty close, as I found out when comparing brands of NA beers to their alcoholic counterparts, but there was always something a little bit off. Not to say they're all bad, just ... different. The same goes for wines and spirits, as I learned when ranking nonalcoholic drinks at Trader Joe's for Dry January. It seemed like all NA versions of alcohol-based drinks had one thing in common: As you drink them, you are very aware that you are not drinking actual alcohol.

As someone who genuinely loves the taste of beer (but not necessarily the alcohol part ... okay, sometimes the alcohol part), I was convinced that no NA option could mimic the real thing. That is, until recently, when I tried Years, a Midwestern non-alcoholic beer brand co-owned by comedian John Mulaney. I tasted all three options and was very confused; they actually tasted like beer. Not only that, but they were really good.

Years offers a pilsner, pale ale, and Belgian wit, and I tasted and ranked them based on taste. More info on my methodology is at the end, but for now, let's see how they stack up. 

Some recommendations are based on first-hand impressions of promotional materials and products provided by the manufacturer/distributor/etc.

The Classic Pale tastes like a bright, authentic pale ale, which is similar to an IPA but with less hop content. It's made from a trio of American hop variations (Citra, Cascade, and Centennial), so it's as hoppy as the real deal. It's very crisp and has a pleasant citrusy taste. Some pale ales go a little too hard on the citrus, and it causes my mouth to feel like it's caving in, but not this one. The only thing it's lacking is the heaviness of the alcohol, but, honestly, I wouldn't be able to tell that this was a non-alcoholic beer in a blind taste test.

The Classic Pale also has that singular bite that alcoholic pale ales are known for. It builds gradually inside your mouth and leads up to an aftertaste that sort of punches you in the head (in a good way). It's worth knowing which NA beers are worth buying and which ones to avoid because many NA beers have an aggressive aftertaste (and not in a good way). 

This is the first one I've tried where it's welcome and fitting for the type of beer. If you usually drink beers full of hops, this is the Years beer for you. It didn't have a negative; it ranks last only because I just liked the taste of the other two slightly better. 

The Belgian Wit variation of Years is very pleasant. I actually forgot that I even liked Belgian-style wit beers, but after trying this, yes, I certainly do. Right off the bat, it reminded me of a Shock Top Belgian White but a little classier (less cheap-tasting). It's very zesty with some subtle spice and a bright orange flavor. It's not quite as fruity as a Blue Moon, but it may be pretty similar to a Blue Moon Light.

Like its sisters, this beer is very drinkable. It's softer and hazier than the others, just as a Belgian wit should be. It's also much more aromatic, probably due to the fruitiness. This is definitely the sweetest of the bunch, but not overly so. For some reason, this one tastes especially good in a beer stein. 

As I take a drink of it, it literally feels like I'm at a brewery. If you told me this was a draft beer from some fancy craft brewery I've never heard of, I would have no choice but to believe you. It's my second favorite of the three — it's delicious, but there's one that tastes even better.

Pilsners, which are a specific type of lager, are usually my favorite beers. After taking one sip of the Original Pilsner, I was immediately like, "Okay. Well, this is maybe the best non-alcoholic beer I've ever had." I even said it out loud, for some reason, to no one. But it was true — this tasted like an actual Pilsner. This makes it an instant No. 1 for me, as far as this ranking goes. It's very dry, a little malty, and a little hoppy. Overall, it has a great balance. It's also very crispy and has that perfect pilsner golden hue. It's surprisingly carbonated and in no way watery, two things NA beers usually struggle with.

If I had to compare it to a regular beer, I'd say Years' Original Pilsner tastes pretty similar to a Bitburger, but fruitier. It's a bit sweeter than a Bitburger, and less bitter, but the two come pretty close. Regardless, it tastes like a classic German-style pilsner, the tastiest of beers, which, quite frankly, is a tiny miracle. This is the type of drink you sip at a beer garden or a hall. I simply love it.

I tried each of the Years near-beers one right after the other. I sipped each one straight from the can, then poured them into beer steins. They were ranked by taste, as all three tasted exactly like actual beers (and just like the types of beers they were supposed to emulate). 

Years is currently available across the Midwest, West Coast, and Texas at retailers such as Total Wine, Walmart, and Whole Foods. In some parts of Illinois, you can get it at Kroger and Mariano's stores. Years also ships nationwide via its website.