We Tried Every Trader Joe's Chocolate Bar And Ranked Them From Worst To Best

To the eight states that don't have a Trader Joe's: We're sorry for your loss. You're not only missing out on hidden gems in the freezer aisle and high-protein meals and snacks, but you're deprived of the store's plethora of both classic and unique desserts. That includes a multi-tier stand of store-brand chocolate bars.

Granted, many of these candies are similar to each other with some only having slight variations. However, Trader Joe's can still be applauded for offering more options than you can count on both hands. White chocolate lovers are unfortunately out of luck when shopping at TJ's, but for those who reach for milk chocolate or dark chocolate, you're sure to find a candy bar that suits your preferences. I've sampled every one of Trader Joe's chocolate bars, so I can point fellow sweets lovers in the right direction. Here are the ones are worth trying out from among the store's vast selection.

Never have I tried chocolate that has caused me to pucker my face, but I guess that's because I've never tried a candy made from 85% cacao. That was until I sampled The Dark Chocolate Lover's Chocolate Bar, which — even with its name — is so harsh that even die-hard fans of dark chocolate should be wary.

Trader Joe's claims the bitterness of this chocolate is largely stripped away by the fact that it's sourced from Tumaco, Colombia, where a fruity taste is said to be more common. That could not be further from the truth for this candy, as it's by far the most acrid and least snackable on this list (unless an overpowering, intense taste is what you seek). I can't imagine this being the indulgent sweet treat you'd want washing over your palate.

Trader Joe's Organic 73% Cacao Dark Chocolate Bar with Almonds is the first of many you'll see in this ranking that contains around this amount of cacao. Although TJ's lineup of dark chocolates is solid as a whole (minus the one that placed last), I wouldn't say this particular item sets the bar incredibly high.

The Organic Dark Chocolate Bar with Almonds doesn't do too much to help the standing of TJ's dark chocolates, nor is it much of an improvement from the plain version of it. It has the same slightly sour base as the original, the only main difference being that it has almonds. This gives it some extra crunch and an earthiness in its flavor that I don't care for.

It seems like Trader Joe's dark chocolates have been on a losing streak. Keep in mind, however, that a majority of the chain's offerings are dark chocolate to start with — no matter the placement on the list, it's bound to be seen more often than the milk chocolate varieties.

The Organic Dark Chocolate Bar 73% Cacao contains three ingredients: cocoa mass, cane sugar, and cocoa butter. I'm not sure where it comes from, but somehow, there's an underlying tanginess that accompanies each bite. It doesn't sully the taste, though I can't say I prefer my chocolate to have a sour twang when there are alternatives. At least it doesn't have the musky taste of the one with almonds.

Trader Joe's typically keeps its prices cheap. Naturally, when I found a bar for almost $9, I imagined it had to contain some luxurious ingredient. Nay, this expensive item contains almonds, one of the most widely used nuts in chocolate.

What racked up the price tag wasn't the contents of the chocolate, but rather, its size. Right in its name, the Pound Plus Bar weighs in at a hefty 1 pound 1.6 ounces. It's a behemoth, but its novelty is where the appeal ends. For starters, you might crack a tooth if you don't break it off into small pieces, as the bar is super thick with big almond pieces throughout. The taste is also nothing special, meaning the "wow" factor of its size only does so much to keep you munching.

Trader Joe's offers full- and small-sized chocolates, with the Mini Milk Chocolate Bars being the tiniest of the bunch. One box comes with five bars, each about 5 inches in length. They're very thin and satisfyingly snappy, and we can see how these individually wrapped pieces might stop you from mindlessly eating more chocolate than intended.

If you're looking for the rich flavor of something like a classic Hershey's bar, these won't quench that craving. In turn, it could make you reach for different products in an attempt to compensate. You really have to put in the work when eating these bars to find any flavor at all. It's such a light, subdued taste that the only thing there is to focus on is its pleasant, creamy mouthfeel.

It's here that things start to get interesting. We have quite a few items on this list that contain 72% cacao, but they all taste different from one another. That's likely because of where they're sourced from, such as the Single Origin 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate that hails from Colombia. Though this bar has a good amount less cocoa than the 85% Dark Chocolate Lover's Bar that ranked last, it's the next-most bitter.

For me, its flavor doesn't lend as well to snacking as others. Even the "notes of citrus and berries" it's said to have were nowhere to be found. That was a bummer, as I was rooting for this bar with its beautiful hibiscus flower engravings and the promise of superior quality.

The next option with a 72% cacao content is the Fair Trade 72% Cacao Belgian Dark Chocolate Bar. Though it's only 1% less, it's somehow not nearly as bitter or tangy as the bars that contain 73% cacao. Don't get me wrong — it has a slight pungent quality to it, but it's fleeting and doesn't last long at all.

Despite it only ranking one place above the Single Origin Bar, which has the same amount of cacao, it's significantly more pleasant to munch on. It's still not my favorite pick of the dark chocolate bunch (clearly, as it only comes in at No. 14), and I'd much rather go to other bars first, but it's a step closer to the dark chocolate options I can fully get on board with.

The 70% Peruvian Cacao Dark Chocolate Bar pays homage to the South American country it sources its cacao from, starting with its beautifully vivid packaging printed with Peru's Mountain of Seven Colors. Peru is a big player in the world's cacao industry, boasting a status as one of the largest exporters. Its cacao is often said to have a fruity and floral taste, but that's not the case with this bar, which is made solely from unsweetened chocolate and sugar.

It doesn't taste like much of anything at first, before it descends into a brief bitterness that thankfully doesn't stick around for long. So while it doesn't seem like there's anything stellar about this product aside from its aesthetic wrapper, I can appreciate that it feels more reach-worthy than some other choices.

Joining the cacao club is Trader Joe's set of 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate Bars — yet another option with this percentage coming from Belgium. It's at this point in the sampling that I've learned TJ's dark chocolates tend to fall into one of two extremes: either extremely bitter (or sour) or almost completely bland.

This product leans into the latter of the two categories, similar to the 70% Peruvian-sourced chocolate in that you don't get much flavor from this bar. But while the Peruvian variety eventually had a bitter taste kick in, this one stays overall bland with just an itty-bitty touch of sweetness. I'd rather take the tasteless over the overwhelmingly bitter, though, which is why the 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate Bar — even with its 2% higher cacao percentage — is more favorable.

In true Trader Joe's fashion, we have an option for those with dietary sensitivities. Anyone looking for a sweet treat that's dairy-free, soy-free, gluten-free, or vegan, the Oat Chocolate Bars with Crispy Rice & Cocoa Nibs (as well as the plain version discussed next) are the choice for you.

Doing away with milk, this candy bar contains ingredients like cocoa butter, ground oats, rice syrup, and a bit of sea salt. It comes together to create a tangy taste that I'm not used to in my sweeter, milk-laden alternatives. Even the rice bits don't yield an overtly audible crisp or the crunch that I was expecting, but still, there's something addictive about it. I admittedly haven't had much experience with dairy-free chocolate bars, but I'd come back to this one again.

As the plain version of the previously mentioned product, the Oat Chocolate Bars come in a tad higher, likely because they don't present as salty as the Crispy Rice & Cocoa Nib equivalent. These bars taste as healthy as I can imagine chocolate to be, especially since they don't coat your mouth in a saccharine flavor as thickly and overwhelmingly as your usual bars would, which is a great consideration for those prone to taste fatigue.

It has a distinctly bright taste and a gratifying snap — it's overall different from what I'm accustomed to. Just like its Crispy Rice & Cocoa Nib counterpart, I can't quite place my finger on what piques my interest about it, but I know I'd give it another go in the future. After all, it can't hurt with its many health labels.

Coming in as the second priciest item on this list, the Swiss Dark Chocolate comes in at over $5. It's scored into large square pieces, each adorned with a beautiful flower that spans across its width. Upon being broken into, the product lives up to its name, with a plethora of hazelnuts provided in each bite.

If I had to throw out a rough estimate, I'd actually say the ratio of nuts to chocolate feels more like 70% to 30% rather than the other way around. That's great for those who truly love hazelnuts, but the dark chocolate aspect gets very lost. It honestly tastes like a whole lot of nothing, and I'd recommend just buying a bag of hazelnuts instead at that point rather than picking this candy up.

Only doing marginally better than the aforementioned nut-riddled dark chocolate bar is the Swiss Milk Chocolate with 30% Whole Hazelnuts. It looks exactly the same with its understated cardboard packaging and flower-stamped squares, and again, it contains a surprisingly generous amount of nuts. The only real difference is it obviously uses milk chocolate instead.

This only placed higher on account of the fact that it actually had some sort of flavor — still not much, but it was something, at least. I was hoping it would taste like a healthier but equally decadent Nutella, but alas, it had nowhere near the same effect. Guess I'll still be buying tubs of the chocolatey spread from ShopRite to get the job done, as this is a bit too subtle for my liking.

One of the plainest sweets to grace Trader Joe's chocolate assortment is a humble pack of three Milk Chocolate Bars. I could easily get through all the provided bars, not only because they're pretty small and good for one to two sittings, but also because they feel like a breath of fresh air among TJ's largely dark chocolate-dominant stock.

As is the case with most of Trader Joe's milk chocolate offerings, this item is light and doesn't coat the tongue too heavily. It might not have the same exciting ingredients that are discussed later on in this list, but it has a creamy mouthfeel and a smooth, inoffensive taste that can be enjoyed by all. A Pound Plus version of this chocolate is even available for those who want to eat it in a bigger quantity.

The Pound Plus bars are among the items to buy your first time at Trader Joe's. I wouldn't suggest grabbing the Dark Chocolate Bar with Almonds during your shopping trip, but its milk chocolate counterpart is a better bet. Just like the dark chocolate variation, this humongous Belgium-originating candy bar is dense and generously filled with whole nuts.

For a bar this large, I was disappointed to discover the milk chocolate used within it didn't taste equally as good as some of the other milk chocolate products that ranked higher. It didn't have much of a presence at all, actually, leaving the almonds to take center stage. Still, it fares better than the options that ranked lower, and it's an overall solid pick in the lineup that will last you weeks.

Starting your morning off with a cup of joe is common as can be, so Trader Joe's offers you an alternative with its caffeinated chocolate. The chain's small Dark Chocolate Coffee Buzz Bar contains 70 milligrams of caffeine, which is a stellar amount when compared to the 95 milligrams found in an average cup of coffee.

Don't be fooled by its lack of a scent –- the big flavor of this product matches its substantial caffeine content. As soon as the smallest bit of it is broken off, a strong, overwhelming (though not in a bad way) coffee flavor fills your entire mouth. There's a good balance between the coffee and chocolate elements, and we can imagine a bite of this potently flavored combination in the morning is sure to wake you up.

Another product that puts texture at the forefront is the Milk Chocolate Bar with Corn Flakes. This bar is a lot heavier on the crunch than the items that utilize puffy, airy rice, thanks to the abundance of visible cereal pieces throughout the bar, making it perfect for those who want extra bite.

Also setting it apart is its asymmetric scoring and salty quality. This initially caught me off guard, but it made sense upon learning that corn flakes have salt (Kellogg's, for example, contains 300 milligrams of sodium per serving). As further explanation, sea salt is listed as an ingredient in this chocolate bar. That might be a plus to those who like the common pairing of sea salt and chocolate. I could go without it, but the sweetness of the chocolate and the unique texture override it nonetheless.

While the Mini Milk Chocolate Bars have the misfortune of being among the bottom spots of the ranking, the Mini Dark Chocolate Bars have the honor of placing in the top three. It's funny considering they're offshoots of one another, having the same shape and size, but the difference in their snackability is vast.

While the milk chocolate leaves a lot to be desired in flavor, the dark chocolate option is just right. Honestly, upon my first bite, I thought the Mini Dark Chocolate Bars were headed in the same direction, as they didn't taste like much right off the bat. However, the flavor gradually builds, and the payout is worth it by the end when you're hit with a deep, delicious taste that's akin to drinking a rich cup of hot cocoa.

As someone who likes both milk and dark chocolate and switches between them depending on my mood, it makes me happy to see that one of each type found its way in the top two spots in this ranking, as that means Trader Joe's offers customers solid options of both. The runner-up on the list is TJ's Dark Chocolate Bars, with three small, individually wrapped bars coming in a package.

Though I can enjoy both dark and milk chocolate, I don't crave the former the way I do the latter. It's never as addictive to me. So I was surprised that these Belgium-imported Dark Chocolate Bars left me wanting to continuously nibble on them the way I would a Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar. I'll attribute it to the fact that these still contain a touch of sweetness.

The closest you'll get to a name-brand chocolate bar at Trader Joe's is its Crispy Rice Milk Chocolate. It's comparable to Nestlé Crunch or Hershey's Krackel, as its star ingredient is the titular bits of rice.

Where the Trader Joe's version differs, however, is in its much better texture. While Crunch and Krackel were among some of my favorite candies flavor-wise growing up, both of their textures aren't up to par. They're on the harder side and are even a bit crumbly, whereas TJ's Crispy Rice Milk Chocolate Bar makes for a smooth, creamy experience with a very audible crisp as soon as you bite in. The milk flavor is more up-front than what you'd get in the name-brand alternatives, and it's sweeter and more indulgent overall, making it my No. 1 pick.

I sampled Trader Joe's chocolate bars on three separate occasions. The first session was to get a general sense of which bars I enjoyed and didn't, while the succeeding times were spent re-trying milk chocolate varieties against one another and doing the same for the dark chocolate options. I paid especially careful attention when comparing the dark chocolate bars, considering there was an abundance of them containing similar amounts of cacao. I factored in snackability, texture, whether the taste was overly bitter or sour, and in some cases, how it compared to other popular chocolate bars.