9 Outback Steakhouse Cocktails, Ranked Worst To Best

When you go Down Under, at Outback Steakhouse, of course, there's no shortage of fun to be had. If you make sure to include some of the signature cocktails with your Bloomin' Onion (which you can get for free when you sign up for the chain's rewards program), things only get more exciting. However, are all the signature drinks on Outback Steakhouse's menu worth a try? Or should you skip some of them to save more room for the good stuff, i.e., what you all go to the establishment for, which is steak. I mean, most of the cocktails are completely unique to the restaurant, and some even come with fun, eye-catching toys, so how are you to know? Decisions, decisions. Have no fear, though, I have the answers you seek.

I recently went to Outback Steakhouse and tried nine of the restaurant's most popular drinks. I also ranked them from worst to best based on taste, the balance of ingredients (or lack thereof), and mass appeal. A closer look at my methodology can be found at the end, but we will get to that. For now, let's take a look at the mouthwatering, boozy results so you never wind up with a cocktail that doesn't suit your preferences at Outback Steakhouse again.

Some recommendations are based on first-hand impressions of promotional materials and products provided by the manufacturer/distributor/etc.

Okay, look. Here's the thing: Outback Steakhouse's Aussie JAWSsie cocktail is a sight to behold. It's a bright blue drink that comes with a miniature toy shark full of grenadine. Once your drink arrives, you pour the grenadine out of the shark's mouth and into the drink, creating a super fun shark attack aesthetic. While it is eye-catching, to say the least, the drink itself was a far cry from balanced. In fact, it was pretty unappealing to my palate, so last place is where it lands in the ranking.

My main complaint about the Aussie JAWSsie is that it is exceptionally sweet, almost sickeningly so. One look at the ingredients and I know why, too. It is made with New Amsterdam Raspberry Vodka, blue curacao, citrus juices, and, of course, grenadine, so yeah, saccharine for sure. It tasted just like a Bomb Pop, you know, the red, white, and blue popsicle shaped like a rocket? Yup, that's the one. While this might speak to a young partygoer, I'm not looking for a sugar bomb with my cocktails. I prefer a much more balanced flavor profile, and the Aussie JAWSsie is a far cry from that. Sure, it comes with a fun, interactive toy, but is that the main point of a cocktail? Absolutely not. It's not a happy meal, for cryin' out loud. Toys are fine and all, but I'd much rather enjoy a cocktail with a more nuanced flavor profile than take home a plastic figurine.

Coming in second to last place is Outback Steakhouse's Koala Punch. It is slightly less sweet than the Aussie JAWSsie but not by much. As a result, there was no way it was going to make it far in my ranking. A bit of sweetness is fine, but it shouldn't overpower the other ingredients. Unfortunately, for the Koala Punch, pretty much all you get while sipping is sugar, sugar, and more sugar.

It's made with Bacardi Superior Rum, Malibu Pineapple Rum, lemonade, and watermelon and mango flavors. In addition to the saccharine-forward flavor profile of the Koala Punch, I also detected a tiny bit of tartness at the end. It wasn't nearly enough to win me over, though. Actually, it was so subtle that instead of providing the balance my palate craved, it gave me more of a medicinal aftertaste. No, thanks. Admittedly, I took a friend along for the sampling adventure, and she enjoyed the Koala Punch a bit more than me. Still, she wasn't super impressed, so take that for what you will.

One cute thing about the Koala Punch is that it comes with a little koala rubber "ducky" floating on top (and it's available in various colors). However, again, it's just a toy, and that won't sell me on a cocktail that lacks balance and complex flavors. Oh well. Nice try, Outback Steakhouse, but every other upcoming drink is significantly tastier. If you like super sweet drinks, give it a go, but everyone else should opt for something else.

Next up is a classic drink many of us know and love, the margarita. At Outback, it's called the Gold Coast Margarita. It's not a bad drink by any means, but it isn't anything special. It's a straight-up margarita. Nothing fancy. While there is nothing wrong with that — I love a classic margarita — it isn't a stellar recipe. Let me explain.

The Gold Coast Margarita is made with Sauza Gold Tequila, and I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not a fan of gold tequilas. Still, that wasn't the worst part about the cocktail's recipe. What was it? Well, it's crafted with a pre-made margarita mix. There wasn't any actual lime juice to speak of. Ugh. If you're looking for a fresh-tasting, classic margarita, this one misses the mark completely. If you aren't picky, though, no love lost. It is sweet, tart, and boozy, after all.

All that being said, I'll save my next margarita drinking experience for something with a bit more attention to the details. Plus, when it comes to Outback Steakhouse, why would I want to go for a dialed-in drink when there are so many better, more creative options? The Gold Coast Margarita is miles ahead of the two lower-ranking cocktails in my book, but the best is yet to come — so go ahead and get excited. There are plenty of reasons to get pumped, but the Gold Coast Margarita simply isn't one of them.

If you love a good frozen drink, The Wallaby Darned has your back. Well, at least at first (more on that coming up). When it arrived at my bar seat, it was a cohesive drink with a nice layer of booze circling the frozen bulk of ingredients. As a lover of all things peach, the taste was top-notch as well. Made with peaches, La Marca Prosecco, Svedka Vodka, and DeKuyper Peachtree Schnapps, it had all the yummy, sweet flavors without taking the sugar too far. Add to that the frozen factor, and your mouth is sure to go on an adventure with this drink. Oh yeah, the prosecco ensured it was much lighter than expected as well — full marks for that.

If you're keeping track, that's quite a few points in The Wallaby Darned's favor. However, sadly, as time passed, this cocktail started to look more like a mess than a succinct drink. The ingredients quickly started separating. So, before taking a sip, a thorough stir was needed to get it back into its original form, albeit slightly runnier. It's not the drink's fault, either. It's a frozen drink, after all, and there's no way to prevent it from melting. Actually, I know one way, but it requires sucking it down at record speeds. I digress, though. I hate to take points away from the drink for this reason, but alas, that's how the cookie, or in this case the drink, crumbles.

First and foremost, Outback Steakhouse's Blueberry Lavender Lemonade looks like a cocktail you'd get from an establishment with professional mixologists behind the bar. As a result, when it was set down in front of me, I immediately started oohing and aahing. It was a lovely shade of pink, and the lemon wheel and sprig of lavender garnish were eye-catchingly classy enough to make even the pickiest drinker happy with the aesthetic. Basically, it grabbed my attention before I even got a taste. Winning!

The Blueberry Lavender Lemonade features New Amsterdam Vodka, lavender, blueberry puree, and Country Style Lemonade. As for flavor, it was expertly balanced. All of the namesake ingredients were front and center, and somehow, they managed to blend and be individually prominent all at once. It also had a decent mix of sweet and tart, something I always enjoy. Each sip reminded me of a summer day, one I want to revisit time and time again, for that matter.

My only real issue with Outback Steakhouse's Blueberry Lavender Lemonade — and at this point, you might already be able to guess what I'm going to say — is that it was too sweet. The tart element of the lemonade fooled me at first, but the more I drank, the more I was overwhelmed with a saccharine flavor profile. It was still a tasty drink, but dial down the sweetness, and it could have gone all the way. Oh well. 

The Cherry Berry Shine cocktail is a brand-new item on Outback Steakhouse's cocktail menu. In fact, the bartender told me it wouldn't officially be a thing until the week after I visited, so thanks for the sneak peek! Regardless, I couldn't be happier that it's getting added to the list of signature drinks. It's unique, wonderfully balanced, and bursting with bold flavors. It also has a fair amount of mass appeal. Full disclosure: My taste-testing accomplice didn't like the Cherry Berry Shine nearly as much as I did, but you can't please everyone.

Featuring Soggy Dollar Island Spiced Rum, Ole Smoky Blackberry Moonshine, citrus juices, and black cherry, the Cherry Berry Shine isn't a drink you find at your average bar or restaurant. That's one of the main reasons I found it so appealing. I mean, moonshine? Yes, please. And no, moonshine is not entirely illegal anymore in the U.S. Of course, the mix of sweet, tart, and fruity flavors helped it skyrocket up my ranking as well, but I love a cocktail that can't be recreated anywhere you go. It shows creativity, and I'm here for it.

The Cherry Berry Shine may not be for the faint of heart — it packs quite the punch in the booze department — but if you think you can hang, get some! If it weren't for my mass appeal ranking criteria, I would have easily awarded it second place. Still, fourth isn't too shabby, and I highly recommend giving it a go.

The first Outback Steakhouse cocktail to earn a top-three spot on my list is the Croc-Tail. Not only does it have a fun name (I mean, Croc-Tail? C'mon!), but it pulls out all the stops regarding presentation and creativity as a whole. At first glance, I knew I had to have a taste — that's how unbelievably eye-catching it is, and thankfully, the flavor didn't disappoint, either.

Circling back to the presentation, the Croc-Tail is a vibrant shade of green, and it comes with a super cute toy crocodile on top. However, and best of all in my opinion, it also features shimmering flecks of edible glitter in the actual drink. And yes, the glitter is safe to drink. As for the rest of the ingredients, the Croc-Tail is made with Svedka Vodka, Midori, kiwi, mango, and citrus juices. The result is a delicious, utterly unique drink that you won't find anywhere else. After all, how many kiwi-flavored cocktails have you had? I honestly don't know if I'd ever had one before, and as it turns out, I freaking love it. The melon flavor peeking through from the Midori sets it over the top as well, so it's far from one-dimensional.

I almost awarded the Croc-Tail second place, but in the end, it got beaten out. Not by much, though, so if you're looking for a totally unique, creative cocktail with flavors that are hard to find, look no further. Still, the two upcoming drinks surpass it in terms of balance and mass appeal.

The award for second place could only go to Outback Steakhouse's Castaway Cocktail. Not only was it a tasty delight that both my taste-testing friend and I loved, but after inquiring with several staff members, they all said it was hands-down the top seller. Plus, several of them told me it was their personal favorite as well. So yeah, it's a crowd pleaser for sure, and it's got mass appeal for days.

The Castaway Cocktail is made with Absolut Mandrin Vodka, Cruzan Passion Fruit Rum, Malibu Coconut Rum, blood orange sour, and pineapple juice. That might sound like a lot to some of you, but all the fruity flavors and ingredients come together in expert fashion. It features a complex, tropical taste that instantly transports you to the beaches of Australia (at least that's what it had me envisioning). It's both sweet and tart, just how I like it, and well, it's a tropical dream. It almost reminded me of a pink Starburst (all the real ones know that's the best flavor/color), but it was not quite as sweet. Delish! The thick slice of blood orange garnishing the top was just a bonus, but you better believe I munched on that as well.

The Castaway Cocktail is a fantastic drink, and I highly recommend giving it a shot. Even so, the beverage that took gold blew it out of the water. Actually, it puts every other one I tried to shame. So, without further ado ...

The coveted No. 1 spot in my ranking could only go to Outback Steakhouse's Smoked Old Fashioned. For me, it wasn't even close, either. Seriously, it's everything, and all of the other drinks we've discussed thus far can barely compete. I know. Those are strong words, but after getting a taste, I knew it was game over for me. Plus, the presentation simply couldn't be beat, and I love glitter (like you find in my No. 3 pick), so that's saying something.

Outback Steakhouse's Smoked Old Fashioned is crafted using a classic recipe with bitters, bourbon, and a hint of citrus. However, as the name suggests, it is also smoked, and that's the real show-stopper. For starters, when it arrives in front of you, it is covered, and you can see all the smoke circling around inside the glass. Then, when the top is lifted, talk about drama! The smoke wafts up and away, but the drool-worthy flavor is left behind, turning what would be a typical old fashioned into something to be marveled at. This bad boy wasn't made with a premade old fashioned cocktail mix, like the ones I recently ranked, and it showed.

Complex, nuanced, and expertly balanced, the Smoked Old Fashioned left nothing to be desired. Plus, for the first time on this list, the cocktail actually tasted like booze. Hooray! Even after all the nice things I said about many of the lower-ranking drinks, I'd happily forsake them all to get another Smoked Old Fashioned. No joke. 

When the chance to taste and rank Outback Steakhouse's lineup of signature cocktails arose, I jumped at the opportunity. After visiting a location near me and sipping away to my heart's content, I might add, the tricky part arose. How was I going to assign them all a ranking? I decided to home in on taste, the balance of ingredients, and mass appeal.

If you didn't skip to the end, you know several cocktails failed on some accounts, but quite a few are worthy of your consideration the next time you visit Outback Steakhouse. I'm not just a picky bar patron, either. In fact, yours truly worked in the food service industry for 20 years, and about 10 of those years were spent behind the bar, so I know my stuff. Regardless, I recommend sticking to the drinks in the top four and completely steering clear of the bottom two. Now that you have all the deets, though, you can decide for yourself which signature cocktails speak to your palate and which ones are best left unordered.

Pro tip: If you want to save some cash, stop in during happy hour. Quite a few of the drinks come at discounted prices, some as low as $5, so it's a fantastic way to get the party started without breaking the bank. Several yummy Outback Steakhouse appetizers that I've ranked are also featured on the happy hour menu. Just saying.