I Ranked 5 Menu Items From Chuck E. Cheese, And This One Came Out On Top

Chuck E. Cheese is a bit of a fever dream. There are a lot of components to the 1970s entertainment center, from its mousey mascot and long-gone SkyTubes to its open dance floors and arcade games. And, of course, there's the food to fuel those never-ending play sessions.

Chuck E. Cheese's menu caters to both children and adults alike, with a particular focus on the former. As such, you'll find appetizers, desserts, and a variety of entrees to suit even the pickiest eaters. This includes numerous types of pizza, chicken wings, french fries, sweets, salads, and drinks. To find out just what the mouse has to offer, I tried out and ranked five of the chain's menu items. In particular, I sampled the ones I imagine are among the most popular based on their fun factor and universal appeal. You can read more about my methodology at the end — for now, let's find out which foods are worth trying out at Chuck E. Cheese.

I'll just go ahead and say it: The cheesy bread deserves to be forgotten (sadly, right alongside Chuck E. Cheese's fallen animatronic band and the ball pits). Controversial, yes, as it's listed as "an all-time favorite" on the chain's website. But with glistening, perfectly melted-looking cheese — complete with beautiful hues of yellow, orange, and even some green flecks from the seasoning — this appetizer is nothing but a catfish and looks far more promising than it actually tastes. It's saddening to put the cheesy bread at the bottom of the list, considering its price of $7.99 makes it one of the extremely few menu items that isn't outrageously expensive, but the flavor is simply not there.

I had every hope that it would be as good as Domino's cheesy bread (an admittedly high bar to meet). However, this was not at all the case. There is close to no cheesy taste despite the dish containing both mozzarella and cheddar. Even the garlic butter wasn't as prominent as I would've expected. It largely feels like eating almost entirely plain bread, with its taste only saved by the ranch and marinara sauce that come alongside it. The marinara sauce, in particular, helps brighten things up, offering an acidic tang that finally introduces some flavor to the appetizer. I can also give the cheesy bread an extra point for having some nice crispy bites around the edges, but there are too few to make a real difference.

Chuck E. Cheese is obviously geared toward children, and not adults like myself, but I'm a kid at heart, so I'll give credit where credit is due and say that the Unicorn Churros are easily the most fun option on the menu. One order of this deep-fried treat comes with five pieces, each dusted with pinkish-red, blue, and green sugar. These colors correspond to three flavors: cotton candy, sour apple, and blue raspberry.

Similar to the Cheesy Bread, the cost of the Unicorn Churros isn't as egregious as other options, coming in at $5.49. However, I ranked these more favorably than the bread because the churros actually deliver on the flavor they claim to be. Aside from the cotton candy ones, which just taste a little extra sugary, the sour apple and blue raspberry flavors are clear as day. It's a super fun twist on the popular treat, and it made me feel like I was eating a cross between fried dough and Jolly Ranchers.

The reason these come in second to last, though, is that I'm not fiending to order them again. Another factor worth mentioning is that each portion is over 300 calories and contains more than 12 grams of sugar, according to the Chuck E. Cheese nutrition sheet. Now, no one expects churros to be a glowing health food, but it's still something to consider for both children and adults.

Chuck E. Cheese, count your days. Why, just why, is the mouse charging people nearly $18 for an order of less than 10 boneless wings? It needs to take a page from Applebee's list of appetizers, where, during happy hour, the price for a plate of boneless wings gets slashed in half to under $8. And the size of Chuck E. Cheese's wings isn't consistent either, with some pieces not even reaching the size of my thumb. That's nearly $3 for a nubbin.

To make matters worse, I enjoyed these. I was torn between wanting to like these chicken wings so that the $18 price tag wouldn't burn as badly and wanting to hate them so I could double down even more on why that price is horrific. But the boneless BBQ flavor I ordered (out of other bone-in and boneless options like buffalo, lemon pepper, sweet chili, and Louisiana hot honey) was sadly delicious. 

I even have to admit that among the many quick service and fast food chicken wings I've tried, these are pretty high up there. They weren't drenched in sauce, which I actually like, and they had a pleasantly sticky, perfectly sweet coating that covered wonderfully tender meat. The flavor was more than good enough, so the blue cheese it came with wasn't even necessary for me. No matter how good these tasted, though, I maintain that there really is no justifying that ghastly price. So, the boneless BBQ wings find themselves in the middle of the pack.

I love meatballs, be it with spaghetti, drenched in gravy, or, as I've now discovered through this taste test, coated in Chuck E. Cheese's Louisiana Hot Honey. And I'm confident I would've liked any of the restaurant's other meatball sauce options, including BBQ and sweet chili, because it was the meat itself that was so good. These meatballs were savory and very tender — they would be a solid choice even ordered plain and without any sauce.

As for the Louisiana Hot Honey, there was definitely sweetness going on, but I can't say it tasted like honey. I searched for the honey flavor to no avail and instead found it more akin to syrup (not necessarily in a bad way) in both taste and texture. I can confirm, however, that this sauce lived up to the "hot" part of its moniker, presenting a very, very subtle heat that leaves a slight tingling sensation on your tongue. It all works to create a delectable experience, securing this appetizer a spot at No. 2 in the ranking. But first place had to be reserved for an item that can hold its name.

As I opened up the packaging for this next menu item, all I could think about was the Chuck E. Cheese pizza conspiracy that had customers in shambles. Legend has it that the restaurant would take customers' leftover pizza slices, put them all together into one pie, and then sell it to the next person. What fueled this theory is the common issue of Chuck E. Cheese's slices being uneven. The company officially shut those rumors down, but I couldn't help but pay extra attention to how my pie looked. 

Not surprisingly, the slices weren't very uniform, which meant some of my fellow taste-testers got very small pieces while others took ones double the size. This, along with the fact that this is an extremely thin-crust pizza (with hardly any crisp, at that), makes it hard to justify the almost $24 price tag, especially when you can get a much heftier Aldi pizza of the same kind for under $10.

So, now that I've finished bashing the pizza and have left you thoroughly confused about how it possibly could've ended up at No. 1, I present you with the positives: namely, that it comes with an abundance of toppings and doesn't skimp on any one of them. You'll get a plethora of everything you'd expect on a supreme, including pepperoni, sausage, olives, mushrooms, red onions, and green peppers. These actually taste surprisingly fresh, and the veggies have a satisfying crunch that helps make up for the lack of crispness in the crust. And while people mourn the hot, greasy mess that was Costco's discontinued combo pizza, I have to admit it's a refreshing change for a pizza to taste so clean (as clean as a pizza can taste, at least).

For this ranking, I chose items from the menu that I believed had the most universal appeal, as well as the ones I'd imagine get ordered the most — because who doesn't want to experience rainbow churros? From there, I sampled each food and ranked them primarily based on taste and whether they lived up to how they were advertised.

Following as a close second consideration was each item's cost. A majority of the options at Chuck E. Cheese are overpriced, which made it impossible not to factor in whether or not the food was at least remotely worth it. Those that weren't good value got placed lower on the list. In one instance (the churros), I also took into account the nutritional value, namely calories and sugar content.