6 Canned Coffee Cocktails, Ranked Worst To Best

Whether you're looking for a jolt of caffeine with your next adult beverage or simply can't get enough of coffee's rich flavor, coffee cocktails are here for the win. Put them in a can and there's no limit to where you can take them, too. Sounds great, right? It is, but there's one hitch: Not all canned coffee cocktails hit the mark. Some are actually a far cry from the original recipe, and when it comes to legendary drinks like the white Russian or the espresso martini, accuracy matters. So, which brands are doing these recipes justice and which ones are lowering the bar? Let's find out.

I put a few different canned coffee cocktails to the test, and I was honestly shocked at how they measured up. After tasting, I also ranked them from worst to best in an effort to steer us in the right direction from here on out. My ranking is based on taste, perceived quality, and recipe accuracy, something I know quite a bit about thanks to my 20 years of restaurant and bar experience. More details on my methodology come at the end, but for now, let's dive right into the results. That way, the next time you're eyeing the collection of canned coffee cocktails at your local store, you know exactly which ones to buy and which ones aren't worth a second glance.

Some recommendations are based on first-hand impressions of promotional materials and products provided by the manufacturer/distributor/etc.

Coming in dead last is Cutwater's Espresso Martini. Sorry, not sorry, but this canned coffee cocktail really missed the mark for me. In a ranking of Cutwater drinks, it earned a sixth-place spot, but in my opinion, that means the bottom five must have been downright awful, because an espresso martini, this drink is not.

My first issue with the Cutwater Espresso Martini is that it is a far cry from being a martini. It's a cocktail, and its large size (12 ounces) and low 13% ABV proved that before I even got a taste. Even if I could overlook this factor, it still would have come in last place. Why? Well, it's way too creamy. In fact, once I poured it out of the can, it looked more like a White Russian than an Espresso Martini because the color was extremely light. No, thanks.

As for flavor, Cutwater Espresso Martini didn't win any points in that realm, either. It isn't awful, but it's way too sweet for me. I prefer an espresso martini that is booze and coffee-forward, not whatever it was. The flavors were good, but it almost tasted like a mudslide, and a watered-down one at that. Basically, we can do way better. Pair that with the fact that it is the least potent drink I sampled, and I'd say it was a complete fail. Moving on.

Next up is Cutwater's Vodka White Russian. As you can see, it didn't fare much better than the brand's espresso martini (ranked last place), but it's a much better representation of the cocktail's original recipe. It actually tasted like the real deal, not a watered-down version of the authentic recipe that white Russian drinkers know and love.

Each Cutwater Vodka White Russian is made with vodka and coffee cream liqueur, and it's recommended you drink it chilled straight from the can or pour it over ice. Similar to the brand's espresso martini, it also features a 13% ABV. However, since white Russians are cocktails, not martinis, this isn't anything to get up in arms about. I will note, though, that the other white Russian on this list is a bit stronger (20% ABV), so if you like a booze-forward drink, Cutwater isn't your best bet.

As noted, the Cutwater Vodka White Russian is an accurate representation of the original recipe. Even so, I was turned off by its abundant sweetness. It was reminiscent of an adult milkshake, a melted one, but you get it. I'll be straight with you, too: I'm not a big fan of super creamy drinks, and there's no getting around that when it comes to a classic white Russian, so it was at a severe disadvantage from the start. Although I didn't get a chance to sample it, apparently Cutwater's Strawberry White Russian isn't worth ordering, either. Next!

Starting with the Crafthouse Espresso Martini, every canned coffee cocktail from here on out is worthy of some praise — so I hope you're ready for the good stuff. Okay, the Crafthouse Espresso Martini tasted great, and it nailed its own unique version of the espresso martini recipe. The keyword there is unique, though, so it does things a little differently.

Crafthouse Espresso Martinis are made with premium vodka, Intelligentsia coffee, and a dash of baking spice bitters. There's also a jump in ABV from 13% to 15%, so we are making major improvements — it's supposed to be a martini, after all. Regardless, I enjoyed mine over ice, and it had a nice creamy texture backed up by lots of rich coffee flavor and a medium level of sweetness. However, the baking spice bitters were definitely at the forefront. They gave the drink a special herbal flavor that had me coming back for more. I could see how it would turn some people off, though, especially if they are looking for something akin to the classic recipe. Would I say Crafthouse made one of the common coffee cocktails mistakes — over-complicating the ingredients? No, the bitters actually gave the cocktail some edge, but it won't suit everyone's preferences. Consider yourself warned.

Compared to the Espresso Martinis yet to come, Crafthouse's simply doesn't taste as good. I enjoyed the adventurous recipe, but it's also the reason it fell behind. Oh, well.

For anyone who likes a sweeter espresso martini, Spark Plug has your back. The brand's recipe not only does the classic recipe justice, but it is also deliciously well-balanced. In fact, the main reason the Spark Plug Espresso Martini didn't rank higher is that it is a bit too sweet for my preferences. Full disclosure, though: I drink my coffee black, and I like my cocktails more on the bitter side. Even so, I would happily buy this canned coffee cocktail again if my top two picks were not available.

On the can, it says the Spark Plug Espresso Martini is best served shaken to activate the nitrogen foam. So that's what I did, and it definitely paid off. It had a beautiful foamy layer on the top, and once I went in for a taste, it gave the drink a creamy mouthfeel that I couldn't get enough of. The coffee flavor was also deliciously rich, so full marks there. Additionally, I detected some vanilla, and after inspecting the can further, saw it listed Madagascar vanilla as an ingredient. All around, it's got outstanding flavor and mass appeal for days.

Another reason Spark Plug Espresso Martini fell a bit behind in my ranking is that it tasted a touch watered down compared to my No. 1 espresso martini pick. Don't get me wrong, though, it boasts a 20% ABV, so it's still a martini — a tasty one at that.

My award for second place goes to Post Meridiem's White Russian. Considering my general disdain for super creamy cocktails, I was shocked to find myself putting it in such a coveted spot on my list, but you know what? I can admit when a cocktail really kicks butt, and this is one of those times.

The Post Meridiem White Russian is made with 1 ounce of vodka, 1 ounce of cream liqueur, and 1.25 ounces of Arabica coffee liqueur. The result is a small but mighty 40-proof drink that's potent enough to put some pep in your step. After shaking and pouring my can over ice, I went in for my first taste and was pleasantly surprised. Compared to Cutwater's White Russian, it was significantly richer and creamier, both texture and flavor-wise. I got a delicious coffee flavor at the forefront, followed by some sweetness. Still, the bold coffee flavor balanced out the saccharine taste in expert fashion. It also tasted like a premium product. It isn't just passable; it excels in the world of white Russians. Nicely done, Post Meridiem.

All that being said, my No. 1 spot still blows the Post Meridiem White Russian out of the water. It's a fantastic cocktail that accurately represents the original recipe, but for me, it still can't compete with the classic espresso martini that locked down first place. If it were a black Russian instead, maybe, but that's just not the case.

Undoubtedly, the absolute best canned coffee cocktail I sampled was Tip Top's Espresso Martini. For me, it couldn't be clearer-cut, either. Not only did the Tip Top Espresso Martini emulate everything a good cocktail bearing its name should, but it did it with style. For starters, it features a 22% ABV, so it's a martini through and through. If you've been paying attention, that makes it the most potent drink of the bunch. Score.

Tip Top Espresso Martini is best enjoyed shaken over ice, so that's how I enjoyed mine, and it did not disappoint. At first blush, I marveled at the rich coffee flavor and booze-forward taste. It was smooth enough to go down quickly, but I wanted to savor every last drop, so I resisted. With each sip, I got tons of rich coffee with just the right amount of bitterness. A touch of vanilla also shone through at the end, so it was a smidge sweet but not sugary. Finally. If you don't prefer espresso martinis that rely on an overly saccharine flavor to balance out the namesake ingredient, like me, Tip Top is miles ahead of the competition. It's also the perfect representation of a classic espresso martini recipe. No cream in sight, and it let the espresso do the talking.

If you like your espresso martinis on the sweeter side, I recommend my number three pick — Spark Plug — but for everyone else, Tip Top is where it's at.

Each of the products ranked above was taste-tested by yours truly. As a bartender for 10 years, a server for another 10, and a lifelong lover of espresso martinis, I knew I had enough knowledge to back up my ranking with some authority. As a result, I jumped at the opportunity to taste and compare canned coffee cocktails. When scouring the shelves for canned coffee cocktails, I noticed a trend: They were all espresso martinis and white Russians. They are two of the most famous coffee cocktails out there, so I guess it's not too surprising. Still, that's the reason they are the only two recipes featured.

After enjoying a thorough taste testing, maybe a little too much, I ranked the canned coffee cocktails above based on taste, perceived quality, and recipe accuracy. I left the price out of it because let's face it: When it comes to a top-notch cocktail, sometimes money isn't a priority. Regardless, the canned coffee cocktails with the best, richest flavors, and the most accurate representation of the classic recipe came out on top. Admittedly, I'm not a huge fan of creamy drinks, so it's fair to say the two white Russians on the list had to fight a bit harder to score points, but as you can tell by my ranking, one of them clawed its way to the top. In the end, though, Tip Top Espresso Martini was the obvious first-place winner, and I highly recommend giving it a try.