I Tried All The Ka'Chava Shakes So You Never Have To

Meal replacement beverages and foods are not a new concept. Brands like OWYN, GoMacro, and Ripple have all released their own products, which are designed to stand in as entire replacements for meals, rather than just supplements. These products aren't new to me either; I even sampled Soylent's products several years back. While I have my personal reservations (read: existential fears) about ready-made shakes, powders, and bars replacing the experience of cooking, communal dining, and restaurant culture as we know it, I can't deny the fact that these products are convenient, especially for an on-the-go individual like myself. 

So when the chance to try Ka'Chava, a brand touting "clean and pure" meal replacements, arose, my interest was immediately piqued. Gluten-free, non-GMO, soy-free, vegan — if there was a health foods label, this brand has probably already jumped on it. It also contains more than just protein; the brand has fiber, MCTs, adaptogens, antioxidants, and more in its shakes, making it a true meal replacement powder. In order to see if this brand's Superblend shakes were worth buying for a whopping $4.66 per serving, or nearly $70 a bag at the time of publication, I tasted its six flavor options, which included its newest offering: strawberry. I prepared each powder according to the package directions before sipping it and assessing its overall flavor and palatability. More on how this taste test was conducted can be found at the end of the article.

Some recommendations are based on first-hand impressions of promotional materials and products provided by the manufacturer/distributor/etc.

Matcha is having its well-deserved time in the spotlight, being used in everything from baked goods to quirky matcha-flavored products. So I'm not entirely surprised to see that Ka'Chava offers a green tea shake. This was the first one I sampled, and when I tell you it was gag-worthy, I'm not being facetious. It smelled like amoxicillin mixed with Pepto-Bismol. I had to take a couple of seconds to step away from it, regain my senses, and restrain myself from hurling before I could even go so far as to look at it again. I plugged my nose, went in for a sip, and felt that sense of queasiness wash over me yet again. It tasted like a grass-flavored, thick protein shake, so I will give it credit for tasting relatively matcha-esque. However, I'm not saying that it was at all a good flavor because I found it to be wholly and utterly dreadful. 

A big part of why this protein powder could make someone gag is because it has an artificial sweetener-like overtone that first comes across as cloying, then transforms to bitter rather quickly. Combined with the thick mouthfeel and texture, it was like my taste buds were drowning in matcha-flavored quicksand. Every time I came up for air, I was hit again by that bitter overtone and dragged under once more. Unless you really have a thing for grass-flavored protein shakes and like eating antibiotics for fun, I don't think you'll find this Ka'Chava flavor at all passable.

If there were a flavor I was dreading most for this review, it would be the strawberry one. I don't get along with some strawberry products because of how artificial they can taste. So, when I smelled this Ka'Chava flavor and immediately picked up on an aroma not unlike the strawberry Bath & Body Works perfume of my youth, I had a feeling my taste buds were going to get absolutely wrecked. 

Oddly enough, I think the bark of this shake is worse than its bite. Although I did have to hold my nose to take a swig of it without gagging, its flavor was a little milder on my palate than the grassy matcha concoction. However, the mouthfeel was dusty, and I was able to pick up on finer particulates floating in it, which made it kind of like drinking sour milk or curdled coffee creamer. Still, at some points, I found that its flavor was watery — and I guess I could be grateful for that. 

You have to be a special kind of person to actively seek out strawberry-flavored protein products, whether that's a high-protein bar or a smoothie. So if you add this to your e-cart, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you'll get what you paid for. However, if you're just scrolling through the website and looking for a flavor to try, I'd recommend steering far, far away from this one. 

When I saw that Ka'Chava had a chai flavor, the one thing I kept chanting to myself was "Don't ruin chai for me, don't ruin chai for me." I have been on a big dirty chai kick lately, and I really love the combination of cardamom, cinnamon, and other warming spices paired with a few shots of espresso. However, I can definitely say that one of the worst ways you can drink chai is in the form of a shake. Sorry Ka'Chava, you're still batting zero here. 

On the nose, there are many pleasant aromas of cinnamon and cardamom, with the latter being the primary. It's sharp and heavy, clearly setting it apart from the rest as chai rather than cinnamon. However, when I sipped this shake (or rather slurped, seeing as all of the Ka'Chava powders are quite thick), that cardamom flavor turned bitter and metallic, which I think has something to do with whatever it uses to sweeten its drinks. While the cardamom was still there in the aroma, the taste was more vanilla-leaning — but even that's generous. Its consistency and flavor were reminiscent of the residue of a mixing bowl used for an old school spice cake that had been inadvertently splashed in by the sink. Why anyone would pay to drink this is beyond me, but it wasn't as outwardly awful as the matcha, and I didn't have to plug my nose to sip it like I did for the strawberry shake.

Coconut-flavored anything is a bad idea. There's a greater chance of it going wrong and tasting like sunscreen than there is of it going right and tasting like a popular cocktail enjoyed poolside. So, when I opened this bag of Coconut Açaí Ka'Chava and smelled the scent of burning plastic emanating from it, I knew we were going to run into issues. 

Luckily, this smell didn't persist after the shake was mixed with water. Instead, the aroma transformed into one of the most coconutty smells I've ever encountered. As I typed up my review at my kitchen counter, I noticed that I could smell the prepared shake mix from about 10 feet away. It was noxious, and if you're not a fan of coconut flavor, you will probably be vehemently disgusted by this offering. The only bright side of this oppressive coconut essence was the fact that the aroma helped mask the sludgy texture of this drink. The berry undertones, as I expected, were plasticky and artificial, and they met with the coconut in a way that conflicted rather than doing either party any favors. 

I can tolerate coconut, so I could sip this Ka'Chava more easily than the previously mentioned flavors. However, the onslaught of berry flavors (which wasn't decidedly açaí, either) was far from pleasant. At this point, it seems like "far from pleasant" is par for the course for Ka'Chava.

In terms of aroma, we've finally taken a turn for the better. This vanilla Ka'Chava smelled like a bad vanilla box cake mix. I specify "bad" here, as a good vanilla cake mix wouldn't need to load itself up on artificial-smelling vanilla fragrance to still have a quality vanilla taste, which is the case with this drink mix. I was apprehensive about trying it, seeing as the other mixes on this list had some punchy fruity or other flavor to hide behind. This one tasted like straight vanilla protein powder. 

Is it the worst vanilla protein shake I've ever had? No, but I definitely wouldn't ever drink it for fun. The fake vanilla flavor persists on the palate and turns slightly bitter, though it isn't as dramatic of a sweet-to-bitter contrast as the more uniquely flavored Ka'Chava powders. I got through two sips (which is more than can be said for the other mixes) before saying, "I'm done," and pouring it down the drain.

The vanilla Ka'Chava was slightly better than the other mixes for a few reasons besides its milder aroma and less-synthetic-but-still-bad flavor. It's far more versatile than the other ones on this list. So, if you can't stomach drinking it from a shaker bottle (like yours truly), you could try adding the protein powder to oatmeal, baking it into something, or trying to tolerate it some other way. Make no mistake: I wouldn't recommend buying it, but if you absolutely had to buy one of Ka'Chava's flavors, it would be one of my top two recs. 

Chocolate protein shakes can go one of two ways: not great but still drinkable or I-need-to-spit-this-out-immediately. So, I figured that the chocolate Ka'Chava would fit into one of these categories, with a stronger likelihood of the latter. 

The aroma of this chocolate shake mix didn't give anything up. When I shook it up in my shaker bottle, I noticed that it took on the color and consistency of chocolate milk (but I would feel sorry for any poor chap who inadvertently sipped it thinking it was chocolate milk). It wasn't super sludgy, and I imagine that if it was thicker and goopier, I would have disliked it more (read: Always add more water than you think you need). The flavor itself wasn't particularly sweet. Whatever was in it gave it a slightly artificial flavor on the back end, and it was more bitter than it was sweet, and for that, I was thankful.

This Ka'Chava chocolate shake tastes like an average, run-of-the-mill protein shake — just with considerably less protein and more calories than a standard chocolate protein shake. For reference, chocolate Muscle Milk Whey Protein has 25 grams of protein per 130 calories, while Ka'Chava has 25 grams of protein for 240 calories. I would much rather sip Muscle Milk or even a Fairlife chocolate milk, which actually tastes like chocolate milk, than go within 10 feet of this chocolate Ka'Chava again. While it is more versatile, not as nausea-inducing, and more palatable than the other options on this list, you will never catch a bag of it in my pantry. 

I'm not going to sugarcoat things: These shakes were awful. And I don't say that lightly, nor do I say that about many of the foods I've reviewed professionally or in my day-to-day life. As a consumer, I urge you not to be influenced by the big names who supposedly "endorse" this product, be led astray by the mom-friendly beige marketing campaign, or be preoccupied by the "health foods" status of this brand when shopping. You have a right to tasty, nutritious foods that help you meet your goals, and I don't think you should have to sacrifice flavor in order to reap those health benefits. 

So, with that in mind, I considered the overall flavor, palatability, and mouthfeel of each flavor to decide if there was any one that was actually worth buying. The "best" ones were easier to drink, had a more neutral aroma, and were more versatile than the rest. But even the best ones weren't good enough to warrant more than a few sips. Each shake was prepared according to the instructions on the package, shaken vigorously in a shaker bottle to ensure proper distribution, and then tasted from a separate glass. While I would not recommend buying any of them, if you absolutely had to, I would point you to either vanilla or chocolate, depending on where your flavor preferences lie.