I Tried And Ranked 7 Screamin' Sicilian Frozen Pizzas

It's hard to know what to look for in a great frozen pizza — the long aisle of options is expansive and almost a little overwhelming. At this point, most of us have a favorite brand and even, maybe, a favorite topping from which we hardly ever deviate. For some of us, nothing beats a doughy crust topped with meat, cheese, and a garden's worth of veggies, while for others, a good, plain cheese is pizza perfection. One brand making a wide variety of these options is Screamin' Sicilian, a quirky, Wisconsin-based pizza maker with hard-to-miss packaging and thick, tavern-style pizzas (though not as thick as true Sicilian pizzas). Outfitted in brown boxes with thick mustaches and a mouth-shaped window across the front, they make a statement in the sprawling sea of frozen pies. The question is: Are the pizzas as good as the packaging? And of the many topping options, is there one that reigns supreme?

To find out, I headed to the store to pick up and review every variety I could find. With two thin-crust and five of the original in tow, I tried and ranked seven Screamin' Sicilian pizzas, evaluating the flavor of the crust, sauce, cheese, and toppings, as well as the quality of the pizza and the value for its cost. Keeping in mind that frozen pizza is its own unique category of food, I considered each pizza's ability to reheat to its desired texture and flavor, ranking higher the pies that tasted fresh and flavorful after being baked. What I found might surprise you — and might give you some new pizzas to try next time you're at the store.

This supreme pizza is visually appealing. The pizza is bursting with a generous amount of toppings, which, for supreme fans like me, earns it major points over the others. Especially since it has more toppings than the original (Supremus Maximus), I expected to rank it near the top of the list. Upon tasting, though, my mind changed, and it quickly sank to last.

The thin and crispy pizzas are exactly as advertised: the crust is cracker-thin with a satisfying crunch. It has the familiar frozen-pizza taste of plastic-wrapped cheese that brands like Jack's, Tombstone, and DiGiorno frozen pizzas have, which sets them definitively apart from restaurant-style pizza and even better-quality frozen pies. Compared to the originals, which have a more distinctly artisan flair, Screamin' Sicilian's I'm Thin and Crispy Pizza Supreme is surprisingly flat in flavor. For its price of around $9, I'd leave this on the shelf and pick up an original instead, which is only a dollar more for restaurant-quality taste.

There is a small part of me that thinks that frozen pizza is in its own unique category of pizza, and if you choose to indulge in that category, you have to expect, on some level, that the pizza will taste like it was frozen. Screamin' Sicilian's I'm Thin and Crispy Pepperoni Pizza still has the same distinctly frozen flavor as the supreme, but this time it isn't as offensive. Perhaps it's the abundance of high-quality pepperoni and its contrast with the semi-sweet tomato sauce, but this pizza ranked far above the Thin and Crispy Pizza Supreme, almost enough to be ranked above an original or two.

The reason I ranked it towards the bottom is that the originals are much better in taste and texture — they're also plenty crispy but aren't as dense or cracker-thin. The cheese used on the originals also appears to be different, and perhaps the higher-quality dairy is what makes the difference in the overall taste.

Every brand needs a really excellent plain cheese pizza. The thing is, simple pizzas can often be the hardest to perfect because there aren't any toppings to hide behind. Bessie's Revenge is the Screamin' Sicilian take on plain cheese pizza, topped with shredded mozzarella, shredded cheddar, freshly sliced mozzarella, and a Parmesan-Romano blend. In theory, it's extremely similar to a restaurant-style cheese pizza, with flavors that are rich, a little salty, and very cheesy. The fresh, Wisconsin-made mozzarella elevates the cheesy blend, giving it a more artisanal flavor — but strangely, the pizza falls short of being a really excellent plain cheese.

It's hard to put into words exactly why this pizza doesn't work as well as the others. It could be that the cheese melts unevenly, browning a bit around the edges while barely melting in the center; or it may be the unbalanced flavor of the rich cheeses and sweet tomato sauce. That sauce, which is the same recipe across all of the pizzas, is a plain, sweet tomato base that works well with meaty toppings but clashes a bit with the many cheeses. A hint more garlic, some torn basil, or even a touch of oregano may give this pizza more depth beyond the rich cheeses, which quickly overwhelm the crispy crust. Bessie's Revenge is undoubtedly a cheesy pizza that dairy-lovers may enjoy, but for me, it falls a little short of being one of the best.

Screamin' Sicilian's Mother of Meat pizza faces a similar issue to the cheese pizza: it's mostly the same flavor, with little depth. This time, instead of several different cheeses, the pizza is topped with several different meats, including spicy Italian sausage, pepperoni, sliced ham, and bacon. While it sounds like a plentiful amount of meat, it ends up being pretty scarce, with most of the toppings falling to one side and needing to be rearranged (something all the pizzas have issues with). Beyond the quantity, the meat's flavor isn't particularly impressive either, with a texture that suggests it was previously frozen — that is to say, a little tough and rubbery.

Though the ham and bacon pieces aren't as good as they would be on a freshly made, restaurant-style pizza, the pizza itself is far from bad. The sausage and pepperoni are high-quality and pair well with the sweet tomato sauce, and the meatiness of the pizza is better than most other brands. Because Screamin' Sicilian offers a few other meaty options I prefer a little more, I am ranking this one fourth, right in the middle of the pack.

Confession: I absolutely love a meatball on pizza. It's not a typical pizza topping, and that's probably why I love it. It's a slightly different taste and texture from sausage, with a more savory beef flavor and softer chew. It also allows some creativity with the other toppings, which often end up appropriately Italian-themed. Mambo Italiano is a prime example of this, and with the addition of pepperoni, becomes a second meat-lovers option in the Screamin' Sicilian lineup.

Because I am admittedly partial to meatball pizzas, I expected to rank this in first place, far above even my beloved supreme. The reason it falls to third instead is because of the meatball itself: it's a dense, tough meatball about half the size of a ping pong ball. That said, it's the texture typical of frozen meatballs and similar to sausage crumbles, making it a perfectly fine pizza if you withhold any expectations that the meatballs will be restaurant-quality. Beyond that, the pizza is one of the most filling on the list, making it a good value and one I'd likely buy again.

It's hard to hate a supreme pizza. Loaded with not only several types of meat but also a garden's worth of veggies, the pizza is almost always a great value for the money, especially for those who like an abundance of toppings. The Supremus Maximus includes pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, olives, and onions, a similar combination to the thin crust I ranked so far below. This time, the pizza toppings are less plentiful, but the flavor is much better: it could be the cheese, which has a different appearance, or the crust itself, which freezes and reheats with more flavor than the thin version.

If the Supremus Maximus had a few more peppers and a handful of extra sausage, it might have risen to first place. Even after rearranging a few of the toppings that had fallen to the bottom (a common problem with this packaging design), the scarcity left a few slices wide open, with barely any toppings to cover the cheese. I couldn't, in good faith, rank this pizza any higher than second place because of the scarcity of toppings, good as they may be: a supreme should be completely covered from crust to crust, which my first-place choice accomplished handily.

I almost never order plain pepperoni pizzas and rarely ever order pizzas that include pepperoni at all, but I know when a pepperoni pizza is a good one. Throughout this entire ranking, the pepperoni was consistently the best part of every pizza, altogether flavorful, chewy in the center, and perfectly crispy around the edges. A pizza filled edge-to-edge with these pepperoni, then, quickly rises to the top of the list, easily becoming the first choice pick.

What sets this pizza apart from the others, many of which also include pepperoni, is that the meat slices fill the entire pizza, leaving no gaps of empty cheese. With just a few pepperoni slices to rearrange, the pizza looks full, and the pepperoni pieces curl slightly in the heat, forming savory cups that hold flavorful oil that bursts with flavor in every bite. The Holy Pepperoni pizza is the closest to a restaurant-style pizza in the Screamin' Sicilian lineup, and one I'd buy again — even over other brands.

For this ranking, I bought all of the pizzas and created an assembly line that led from the oven to the table. I baked them each on a sheet pan for 18 to 20 minutes, as recommended on the package, and then transferred each to the table to photograph and slice. I then sampled each slice alongside a secondary tester and took note of the visual appearance, the amount of toppings, the type of cheese, the quality of the crust, and finally, the flavor of the sauce, the toppings, and the pizza altogether. This ranking didn't have many tiebreakers to settle, but for any pizzas that were close, I considered which I'd purchase again, especially over other frozen pizza brands.