Martha Stewart Always Avoids Ordering This (And Honestly We Can't Relate)

It is more likely than not that the celebrity chef, media magnate, and Mason jar influencer Martha Stewart has access to every possible taste in creation. She's super rich, so she can jet wherever, and she is generally beloved, so getting reservations really shouldn't be a problem. If Martha Stewart knocked on the doors of every household in America demanding proprietary chili preparations or whatever, she'd likely be invited to enter at least half of them. So it's just a little unexpected that she has failed to avail herself of a highly diverse culinary category onto itself: delivery.

"Do you want to know a secret?" Stewart asks Kelly Clarkson in YouTube video from the American Idol's eponymous talk show. "I have never ordered in." The "Since U Been Gone" singer looks shocked. The humanitarian and Stewart's famed food world colleague José Andrés, who is also present, looks shocked. Even Stewart, the harborer of this very secret, looks a little surprised. And we are outraged. With properties reportedly all over the map, there just has to be one great Szechuan, Tex-Mex, or pizza place within the delivery zone of one of Stewart's mansions. "I will go out, or I will not eat," Stewart says, totally eschewing this beautiful bit of the human experience; one that we suggest she seeks immediately.

Hi, Martha Stewart. You may be aware that an awful lot of food delivery business has been gobbled up by the aforementioned apps. You've appeared in an ad for one. One might think that there could have been more regulatory oversight to avoid this kind of monopoly, but, well, we don't have to go into any of that with you, now, do we? Anywho, those apps have historically not been so great for restaurants. Order directly from a restaurant's website or over the phone, instead, whenever possible. This might also even save you a few bucks in nebulous fees.

Speaking of your untold wealth, some people can be weird about tipping on delivery orders, even as someone is literally ferrying your heart's desire right to your door as though you were a precious little baby. We do not at all think that you would be weird about tipping, Martha Stewart, but, just because you have, as you stated on national television, never actually ordered delivery, we're going to lay out some guidelines. Someone of your estimated tax bracket, who is also vulnerable to internet shame should some hospitality blunder occur, should tip at least 50% of the total bill, or $20, whichever is higher, per transaction. Now you've only got to narrow down the dinner choices. You might be surprised how many of your favorite foods you can dial up. While the Stewart family favorite onion sandwich is highly unlikely to appear anywhere, your repeatedly declared fondness for Japanese cuisine will be more easily slaked.