The Definitive Ranking Of 7 Bologna Brands

Bologna often gets a bad rap. It's not for nothing — the meat is often high in saturated fat and has a lot of sodium and added preservatives. Also, people are sometimes confused about what bologna is actually even made of, the short answer being a mixture of blended-up beef, pork, turkey, and chicken. Sometimes it's a couple of those; sometimes it's all of them. And for this reason, bologna, to this day, remains somewhat of an anomaly. Well, that and the fact that it's usually perplexingly cheap for sliced meat ... which could be seen as a plus or a disturbance, depending on who you ask.

All that said, biting into a bologna sandwich was a childhood event that, even now, I can still feel in my bones. It's a nostalgic and pleasant memory. The bologna brands are ranked for how they tasted completely on their own, without any condiments added and without them being placed upon a cracker. This is arguably the worst way to eat bologna. Truly the only way to eat it is in the form of a bologna sandwich one might've had placed in their school lunch, made with sliced American or cheddar cheese and mayonnaise. However, to keep this list honest, it had to be done. So here is the definitive ranking of seven different bologna brands, worst to best.

The Eureka bologna made me the most nervous because it was in tube form. The anxiety worsened when I actually opened the packaging and saw the bologna, as it was oddly light in color, but nothing could prepare me for actually cutting into the meat and tasting it. First of all, this bologna is oddly tough in texture. Normally, bologna has a smooth texture, but this one was sort of rough and hard to cut into. And then I tasted it, and I'm not being hyperbolic when I say it was the worst thing I have ever tasted in my life. To be fair, it really didn't taste like much. But that was what was so creepy about it. It looked like meat, tasted like nothing, and was way too crunchy. Every chew of this bologna was more uncomfortable than the last because it never got less tough and remained in weird crumbles in my mouth.

It was so bad that I thought, for a moment, maybe I wasn't supposed to eat it raw; perhaps it was meant to be cooked. But the packaging said nothing of the sort. The entire experience was off-putting, from seeing it for the first time to attempting to swallow the awkwardly huge crumbles. It was a confusing experience all along, and one I would like to forget (but can't). Firing the grill for a smoky bologna or frying up a crispy bologna might have made it taste better, but that wouldn't be fair to the other brands on the list to try it differently. Plus, I would rather not go near it ever again.

You might already be familiar with the history of Oscar Mayer hot dogs, but the brand is also the classic face of bologna. It's the bologna of childhood — even the red and yellow packaging jumps out and smacks you with the nostalgia stick. But how did it hold up now, to an adult who hasn't eaten it since she was maybe 12? The truth is, it tastes pretty much exactly the same as you remember it: fine, I guess, but extremely underwhelming.

It sort of feels gross eating Oscar Mayer-branded bologna when it's not with American cheese or the many other ways to elevate a bologna sandwich. No one should eat this item raw, straight from the packaging. It's not good for your health, and I do mean your mental health. I was expecting to like it or at least feel some sort of unwarranted closeness to it via nostalgia and was genuinely surprised by how disappointing it was. It has a bright flavor, and you can distinctly taste the beef added (which is pleasant), but it was basically ... just whatever. "Whatever" is honestly the best way I can describe Oscar Mayer bologna as an adult person with a mouth. It doesn't really taste like anything, especially compared to the other bologna brands on the list.

Wunderbar German Brand Beef Bologna is one of the fancier bologna types available. It's sold at the deli and made primarily with beef, and you can tell. One bite of a slice, and it sort of just tastes like you're eating a very thin, very smooth slice of beef. I wouldn't eat this and automatically think, "I am eating bologna right now," but rather, "This is beef that I am eating, definitely."

While it's actually very flavorful, it's No. 5 on the list because it's the least impressive of the fancy bolognas. It tastes very similar to Oscar Mayer-branded bologna, actually, but it's way more flavorful (and beefy). After taking a bite, I found myself wanting to continue to eat it, which surprised me, but I followed the urge. That second bite was too much, and as I chewed, I noticed the tiny flecks of fat lining the sides of the meat. This was probably the culprit that drew me in — the fat made me want to eat more of it, but when I did, my stomach didn't like it. Lesson learned. This bologna is too fatty for my tastes.

Schmalz's German Bologna isn't sold at most grocery stores, but if you can find it, it's one of the better bologna experiences out there. I found it at the deli, where they sliced it very thin. It was one of the most expensive bologna brands, but the quality was overall much better than the cheaper ones. It was also the most non-bologna bologna I have ever tasted. This was surprising. Had it not said it on the packaging, I might not have known what I was eating was actually bologna.

It's very light in color; it looks more like sliced turkey than anything else. It's not as processed-tasting, which was really nice. It's also far less sweet than many of the brands and more subtle — sophisticated, almost, with an ever-so-slight smokiness. This bologna could easily be enjoyed on a cracker or rye bread with mustard and pickles.

Dietz & Watson Beef Bologna is another fancy bologna type, only sold at one specific grocery store chain in my city. There were also some fat flecks on the sides of it, which I knew was not a good sign for my stomach. Upon biting into it, I was shocked; this had a new and distinct taste unlike all the other bolognas. Sure, it had that smooth bologna vibe and texture, but there was clearly a different spice used in it, almost like a dill flavor. It was flavorful overall and definitely the most refreshing bologna to chew.

I would say this has a very bright beef taste. It reminded me, oh-so-slightly, of an extremely dulled-down pastrami with less flavor and spice. It does have an aftertaste that sticks around for a long time and doesn't quite leave unless you do something about it, like eat something else or take several sips of a beverage. That said, the refreshing nature of this singular bologna was appreciated. If it had a slogan, it would be, "Dare to be different."

Bar-S Classic Bologna is the most bologna a package of bologna could be. It costs under $2, which is slightly disconcerting (just as bologna should be). It's the most comparable to Oscar Mayer but surprisingly tastier. When you open the package, you get a huge waft of bologna smell, more so than any of the other brands. And upon taking a slice out, you realize something: This bologna is thick as heck.

At first, it was disturbing to look at, after seeing so many thin slices of bologna. It looked very unnatural, which I suppose it is (it's bologna after all). There was also a red ring around the bologna, which is an inedible fibrous casing made of paper and cellulose that should be removed before eating. All that said, the meat itself was very flavorful. It tastes like it should be in a sandwich my mom sent me to summer camp with. It'll barely cost you anything, and it will fulfill all bologna cravings. For this reason, it's high on the list. I appreciate an authentic king, and this brand is certainly that.

Bar-S is also one of the brands with the most variety as far as bologna types go. In addition to the classic bologna, they have beef, garlic, turkey, and chicken bologna, as well as a "thick cut" bologna, which honestly sounds frightening, as this classic type I tried was already, as I mentioned, uncomfortably thick. This might not sound like an item that is No. 2 in a ranking, but for bologna, it tracks. I would happily eat this tasty, too-thick bologna again (but not too often).

This bologna has a story behind it, and I was not expecting it to be our No. 1 choice. However, like bologna itself, the story of Boar's Head Beef Bologna has a surprising ending: It's the best one. Upon ordering it at the deli counter, the guy helping me told me nobody had ordered this bologna for months. He seemed to be disoriented, not knowing where to even find it.

Now, it's typically not a good sign when the person who sells you meat has the vibe of a harbinger warning you that no one has eaten that particular meat in many years. However, it should be noted that this might have to do with a listeria outbreak that led to the contamination of Boar's Head meats produced during the summer of 2024. Even though the outbreak was declared over in November of that year, perhaps people didn't want to chance it.

Folks, if you're a bologna fan, it's time to come back to a post-listeria era Boar's Head Beef Bologna. It's by far the best tasting bologna out there. True, it's fancy beef bologna sold specifically at the deli counter, so it does have that advantage. But this is upgraded bologna for adults, if there ever was one. It's very flavorful with a little bit of that German smoked flavor, but it definitely tastes like you're eating bologna (in the best possible way). This is bologna, elevated — similar enough to the taste you remember as a kid without feeling like you should be eating it in a school cafeteria.

There really aren't that many brands of bologna on the grocery store shelves, so I went with every single brand I could find near me. This took me to four different grocery stores, and still, I only managed to find seven brands. The ranking was based completely on how the bologna tasted, all by itself, with no added condiment or cracker. The variety of types of bologna available from each brand, while appreciated, could not be factored into the ranking itself. The Eureka brand in particular was judged by how it tasted cold, which is one way to eat it, as there's no direction on the packaging that instructs you to cook it any certain way. However, there is a chance it's not as terrible as I found it to be if you were to cook it.