17 Lunchables, Ranked Worst To Best

Lunchables have been a tasty staple in so many kids' diets since the late 1980s. Under the wider Kraft-Heinz umbrella, the brand also faces notoriety for potentially harmful levels of lead in its products. But controversy or not, they remain popular choices for easy, inexpensive small meals.

As a millennial born in the early '90s who was rewarded with Lunchables for straight A's on report cards in elementary school, I was stoked to lead this nostalgia-inducing review. What I learned is that some things never change. I still think Furbies are the creepiest things ever, and I'll never forgive my brothers for cutting the hair off all my Barbie dolls. Toys aside, my palate as an eight-year-old kid was just as discerning as it is now.

Equipped with my childhood bias and high standards, I tested 17 different Lunchables and ranked them from worst to best. If you strongly disagree with where I've ranked your own favorites, meet me on the playground at lunchtime for a game of four square. Winner takes all the Lunchables.

I'm standing my ground, so boo me all you want: I hated Lunchables Extra Cheesy Pizza, and my opinion hasn't changed since the '90s. Back then, I thought it tasted like cold ketchup and rubbery cheese on chewy Styrofoam. And now, as an adult? It still tasted like that. The pizza base was spongy, and the bizarre combination of pre-shredded mozzarella and cheddar was covered in a thick, dusty film of anti-caking agents. But even worse was the disgusting sauce. When the first three ingredients are water, tomato paste, and sugar, you can't convince me otherwise.

At least the kit included a Capri Sun Pacific Cooler (which we also taste-tested and ranked) to wash it all down, and an Airheads White Mystery candy to sweetly ward off the tomato paste aftertaste. It's been decades since I ate one of these pizzas, and I hope it will be another few decades before I even have to look at another one.

Simply a thicker, super-sized version of the traditional pizza base, the Uploaded Deep Dish Pizza with Pepperoni wasn't an impressive upgrade. It had double the bread and double the ick factor. It tasted like a gigantic sponge, dry and springy with each bite I attempted to chew and swallow. And the mix of mozzarella and cheddar made no sense.

The only redeeming qualities were the slices of spicy pepperoni, which did wonders to counteract the sugariness of the sauce. And all the extra treats (a bag of Cheez-Its, Trolli sour gummies, a Kool-Aid drink mix packet, and a bottle of water) included in the kit made this one better than the last place.

Squishy and slimy, the thick medallions of meat in the Turkey & Cheddar Protein Pack were not pleasant. I can't blame that entirely on their wet and blubbery texture, because the flavor was also very peculiar. A quick glance at the ingredients list told me everything. Even though the slices are made with 100% white-meat turkey, there's obvious corruption from added ingredients like cornstarch, carrageenan, dextrose, and a mix of artificial flavors.

I feel like I could taste the unwholesomeness in every bite — what was all that doing in my turkey? At least when I paired the meat with the cheese and crackers, the turkey's boisterous personality calmed down and didn't overwhelm the stacks, which is why this product still ranked higher than the last two.

The PB&J Lunchables concept is to dip two peanut butter sandwich wedges into a soft fruit spread. When given the chance to enjoy sugary, processed white bread sans the dry crusts, I jumped on it like a kid who's first in line for the bouncy house. I loved the soft, fluffy bread triangles stuffed with a lightly sweet, thick, creamy peanut butter filling. I'd gladly eat the sandwiches again over any of the previous competitors.

While I was so happy eating the sandwich portion, I was horrified by the grape jelly dip. Despite the additions of grape puree concentrate and grape juice concentrate, which I thought would have created a naturally grape-forward dip, it tasted artificial, like a melted piece of fruit candy. Its texture made dipping difficult, since the spread couldn't really cling to the sandwich. Instead, it slithered off and only left a thin, wet film.

The Turkey & American Lunchables can't brag about too much, despite ranking higher than the Turkey & Cheddar Protein Pack. The overly processed meat was still the same: wet, rubbery, and chewy with an artificial smoky flavor.

The crackers, cheese, and cookies rescued this choice from the slums of the last few places. I was surprised by how well the crispy, buttery crackers augmented the dreadful meat. I also enjoyed how the American cheese was richer and creamier than the cheddar, and had a more distinct "cheesy" flavor. For the final boost to a higher ranking, the chocolate crème cookies (a generic version of Oreo cookies) were a sweet, crunchy dream.

I may have been too hard on the pizzas earlier. After talking with friends, family, and coworkers about my final ranking, I offended an astonishingly large number of people who considered Lunchables pizzas their favorites. Before causing any further upset, I'm relieved to report that the Pepperoni Pizza earned a higher spot. What the other pizza contenders lacked was balance. The Extra Cheesy Pizza relied on flavorless, rubbery cheese shreds, while the Uploaded Deep Dish Pizza had an unreasonably thick crust.

The Pepperoni Pizza came as close to a perfect pitch as it could get, given that I still hated the sweet, ketchup-y sauce. Everything worked in better harmony. The pepperoni slices were meaty and mildly spicy, and helped make the sauce a little less inedible. There was no shredded cheddar, only mozzarella. Nothing was overtaken by a thicker-than-normal crust. Out of all the pizzas, this is the one I was able to take a few bites of, even if I was still slightly unenthused.

The strawberry dip in this version of the Lunchables PB&J Peanut Butter Sandwich had a significantly better texture than the grape dip. It had a traditional jelly-like, pectin-forward consistency that was capable of clinging to the sandwich more easily. The flavor was also better, with a light, sweet, fruity profile that didn't taste as artificial.

I still loved the sandwich wedges, with their cloudlike white bread exterior, but I thought the peanut butter filling was lacking. This kit didn't impress me nearly as much as some of the other higher-ranking contenders, among them products that were more practical for travel, had a more filling amount of food, or had a better flavor overall.

Sold in a set of two trays for the perfect on-the-go snack, this version of the Lunchables Snackables had three different mini snacks: crackers, chocolate chip graham crackers, and squares of blended Colby and Monterey Jack. I tested the format myself by snacking on one in the car on my way home from work, waiting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. It was clean and compact, and a practical option that didn't require sauces or slimy meats.

I also liked that the cheese was a different style than the typical cheddar or American cheese slices I have grown a little tired of eating for this ranking. But because there's so little food, I inhaled one tray in seconds. I was immediately ready to eat the other, though I think that meant I missed the whole point of the "snacking" purpose for this particular product.

Although the ham shared many ingredients with the turkey, like smoke flavor, cornstarch, and sugar, it tasted fresher and felt more pleasant overall. The balance between subtle sweetness and savory smokiness made more sense with the ham. The drier texture, smoky flavor, and thicker cut were reminiscent of cold Canadian bacon slices.

I was disappointed by the young cheddar's boring mildness and wished it were aged longer to achieve a brighter tang and drier texture. The vanilla crème cookies were crisp and lightly flavored, and a perfect palate cleanser after the sodium-packed punch of the salty cracker stacks. But if I had to choose, I preferred the richer, bolder flavors of either the chocolate chip cookies or the chocolate crème cookies as part of other Lunchables.

A few key differences between the Ham & American and the Ham & Cheddar Lunchables ultimately gave this version a small victory. While it was a close fight, the American cheese and chocolate crème cookies were tastier in this one.

I thought the American cheese paired better with the ham and crackers, with its buttery, homogeneous texture and richer flavor. Followed by a couple of crunchy chocolate sandwich cookies with a creamy filling, I was a satisfied eater. I enjoyed the deeper, more complex chocolate flavor compared to the subtle vanilla flavor. After eating all these salty snacks, a more impactful chocolate dessert was the better reset.

With a more well-balanced variety of components, Lunchables Snackables with Welch's Fruit Snacks wins over the other Snackables contender. Instead of two crunchy items and one cheese, this pack includes mini crackers, mini cheddar cheese slices, and Welch's Mixed Fruit Snacks. Each section brought different tastes and textures, offering a more entertaining snacking experience with each bite without losing its mission to serve as the ideal on-the-go product.

How could I find any serious critiques of the crisp, buttery crackers, the thick, creamy cheese pieces, or the sweet, chewy fruit gummies? The main reason why the Snackables ranked lower than others is that they were too tiny compared to the regular-sized and Uploaded products. My appetite wasn't as satisfied as it was with the other options.

It's no shock that the Chicken Dunks weren't the best chicken nuggets out there, but they held their own against many other Lunchables options, only losing out to the well-composed subs and my top choices for cracker stacks. Eating cold chicken nuggets was completely fine; you don't need to heat them.

The breading was slightly soggy, but it was thin enough not to overwhelm the interior. The all-white-meat chicken inside was thick and tender, a massive improvement over most of the overly processed, weirdly textured deli meats in these reviews. The ketchup dipping sauce provided a proud punch of tanginess, and the chocolate crème cookies were obviously delicious.

The Lunchables Nachos were honestly better than what I would get at most concession stands or sports bars. The mini tortilla chips are a simple mix of corn flour, vegetable oil, and salt—so far the least processed item. They were thin, crispy, and lightly salted. The smaller size made them fun to dunk and nibble one after another.

The two dipping sauces weren't a disappointment, either. The cheese sauce had a smooth, creamy consistency and wasn't too thick or too runny. The salsa had a bright, bold flavor, with small chunks of onion and peppers. Both sauces were bold and spicy, but not overwhelming. It didn't score higher because I was more satisfied eating the heartier sub kits and meatier cracker stacks than a trayful of tiny tortilla chips.

Costing close to six dollars, the Uploaded Ham and American Sub Sandwich Snack Kit from Lunchables was more expensive than all of the other products, but it included an assortment of tasty chips, candy, and drinks to get your money's worth. This one had Takis tortilla chips, a KitKat bar, a Kool-Aid drink mix, and a small bottle of water.

The sandwich assembly included one sub roll, four slices of ham, six slices of American cheese (the picture shows only five — I ate one before I took the photo), and a mayonnaise packet. The ham was on the chewier side, but I liked that it was a thinner cut compared to the thick ham in the cracker stacks. The sandwich was bigger than expected, and all ingredients worked well together to make a substantial combo that stood out among its tinier competitors. On my husband's advice, I crumbled a few Takis on the sandwich for a spicy crunch.

Well worth the extra money, the Lunchables Uploaded Turkey and Cheddar Sub Sandwich Snack Kit had a slight edge over its ham counterpart. In addition to the sandwich, there was a bottle of water, one Kool-Aid drink mix, a bag of Nerds Gummy Clusters, and Takis chips.

But let's talk turkey. I've been so disappointed by the thick, slimy turkey in the cracker stack kit that I was hesitant to have more. At last, after one failure following another, turkey's tough losing streak has been broken. The turkey was sliced thinly, which closely mimicked a higher-quality deli-style turkey, and it had a more tender texture compared to the chewier ham in the other Uploaded version. The combo of the meat, cheddar, and mayonnaise on the fluffy sub roll was delicious, and I was impressed by the overall size. Fresh off my review of chain sandwich shop turkey subs, I can confidently say I prefer this sub to some of the ones I tested in that ranking.

The second-place award honorably went to the Mozzarella and Pepperoni Protein Pack Lunchables. While it's a far cry from a gourmet antipasto platter at an upscale Italian bistro, it was still a satisfying snack and a major leap over most of the lower-ranking cracker stack competitors. Leading up to this moment, I haven't liked the unappetizing ham and turkey cracker kit selections. The pepperoni was completely different and won me over immediately. Similar to most pre-sliced and pre-packaged pepperoni at the store, the slices in this pack were thin and delicate, not thick and clunky like the other meats. The spice level was mild and approachable, and didn't leave my mouth uncomfortably on fire.

Without any heat-numbing sensations to intrude, I was able to enjoy my snack in its entirety. The crackers were, as always, delightfully tender and buttery. The mozzarella was a refreshing change from the American or cheddar cheese options. It was mild and milky, and was a perfect choice with the spicier pepperoni. If I'm looking for an Italian-themed Lunchables, I would suggest this one over any of the pizzas — and no tomato sauce in sight.

I know bologna. I love bologna. Bologna has never failed me, and its streak of likeability hasn't stopped with this review. True to its (forcemeat) form, the Light Bologna & American Lunchables was the ultimate winner. Infinitely better than the ham and turkey, with a slight edge over the pepperoni, the chicken-and-pork bologna was exactly what I hoped for: it tasted like a cold, sliced hot dog. And while that might come across as a negative critique, I meant it as the biggest compliment. It was salty and savory, with just enough bounce to the overall soft, smooth, homogeneous texture without being inedible or offensive.

Combined with the buttery crackers and creamy American cheese slices, I was in stacked-sandwich paradise. Every component worked together to make a tasty snack that wasn't overpowered by the weird, unnatural smokiness that was an obvious flaw in both the turkey and ham. I also have nothing bad to say about the chocolate chip cookies. Sweet and crisp with big semi-sweet chocolate chips, they made for a sweet ending to a satisfying mini lunch.

I based my reviews on a long lineup of important factors. In addition to drawing on my childhood eating habits for a sprinkle of emotional judgment, I also carefully reviewed ingredients, proportions, smell, taste, texture, appearance, price, and overall post-eating satiation.

Because Lunchables are designed to be customizable, I experimented with different assembly options. For example, a cracker kit like the Ham & American could be eaten a variety of ways. First, I tried each food item on its own separately. Then, I went through all possible assembly scenarios: ham/cheese, ham/cracker, cheese/cracker, and ham/cheese/cracker. This sampling method gave me the most thorough analysis. Trust me, it was fun.

Because Lunchables are a nostalgic treat for many of my close family and friends, I also took casual polls in passing conversations about which ones everyone used to enjoy or hate as kids, whether they still eat any today, and whether they have passed on any interest to the next generation. I considered their opinions throughout my rankings.