The 'Soul-Destroying' Restaurant Chain Anthony Bourdain Only Ate At Once

Whenever you think you may be reacting a little too dramatically to your own home cooking, it can be a relief to revisit some of Anthony Bourdain's colorful culinary convictions. He famously compared the club sandwich to the terrorist network, Al Qaeda, for example. The cookbook author also avoided ordering hollandaise sauce at restaurants due to the risk of bacteria. And, in a November 2016 episode of "Conan" on TBS, Bourdain asserted similar dismay over a certain midcentury Americana-themed fast food chain.

"I've eaten a lot of really nasty things on my show," Bourdain told Conan O'Brien, "but nothing as soul-destroying as my airport Johnny Rockets experience" (via YouTube). Bourdain went on to detail the crushing disappointment he endured at an unnamed transit hub's overstaffed, underperforming outpost of the multinational burger and shake maker. A cold patty, he recalled, barely made its way onto a bun. The fries had long been languishing, and even the pickle was as flaccid as the locale's spirit. It was, ultimately, a "moment of perfect misery," Bourdain told Conan. "Not a fan, no," he concluded.

We may never know which Johnny Rockets upset Anthony Bourdain, but we can still try to avoid recreating his mistake. He told Conan that the Johnny Rockets he visited was empty on that fateful day. It could have been an off hour, but empty restaurants are as much of a red flag in an airport as they are elsewhere. A place that's busy and buzzing with guests might evidence a better reputation among frequent flyers and on-site staff. In fact, asking folks who work at the airport (provided they aren't mid-meal or rushing from the register) might be the best way to determine whether a familiar chain is actually on top of its expected quality control.

Review sites such as Yelp and TripAdvisor become marginally more attractive at the airport, since you can see what fellow travelers think of the airport restaurants. It's unlikely that professional critics have evaluated the LaGuardia Cibo Express, but you can bet that someone like Tina P. from Queens sure has, and she, for one, will steer you right. You've got to scroll something in those long security lines anyway, so you may as well find the least bad place to eat.