10 Small Gestures Restaurant Servers Seriously Appreciate

Going to restaurants for a meal prepared by someone else and served to you without having to get up from the table is one of life's little pleasures. We all know how to be a good guest at someone's house, but interestingly enough, not everyone knows how to be a good customer at a sit-down restaurant. It's nothing we can't learn, though. As it turns out, there are a handful of small gestures that restaurant servers seriously appreciate. When you make the effort to execute them, it not only gets you the best service possible but also ensures you are not the butt of anyone's joke at the end of the night (yes, servers gossip about their customers — shock, gasp!). I should know. Yours truly worked as a server and bartender for 20 years.

Many of the 10 recommendations you find below are particularly important when servers are especially busy. However, don't let these tips feel daunting. Just treat your server like a real person, not the help, and being a great customer is easy. Oh yeah, and whatever you do, don't tell your server you know the owner. Even if you do, this line is used all of the time, and it's typically not the full truth (just because you met them once, doesn't mean you know them). If you make this faux pas, you can pretty much guarantee the servers will be laughing about it in the kitchen.

If you know you will want to split your check at the end of a meal, it is always best to tell your server up front, before you order anything. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say it's proper dining etiquette. When you let your server know this in advance, it allows them to keep everything tidy and manageable on the back end, i.e., on their computer screen or tablet. Sure, there are a lot of fancy software programs and handy tools that allow some servers to split checks at a moment's notice, but not all restaurants are equipped with them. That's why it's best to just get it out of the way and eliminate any surprises at the end.

I get it. Sometimes you just don't know how the bill is going to play out at the end. Maybe you're on a date, or you plan on picking up the tab until you see how pricey it is. Stuff happens. Your server knows that. However, if at all possible, just let them know you plan to split the bill at the end, and this small, simple gesture will make their life much easier when it comes time to finally settle up the bill. I can't tell you how much time this gesture has helped save me, and every moment counts during a rush.

When you go out to eat in a sit-down restaurant, your server is not your main priority; your friends or whoever you happen to be dining with are. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't pay attention to your server as well. After all, they have all the deets you need and more. This is particularly important when they are explaining the menu or taking orders from the group.

It is unbelievably frustrating when guests don't stop talking or simply don't pay attention to you when you are speaking to the group. Aside from being just plain rude, it almost always leads to a waste of time later on in the form of people repeating questions and asking for information that has already been disclosed, like what the daily special is.

It seems simple, but simply paying attention so your server doesn't have to answer the same question multiple times or repeat specials is a big help. In fact, you should make eye contact and acknowledge them when they visit the table, even after your order has been placed. You don't have to interrupt your conversation every time your server stops by, but acknowledging they are present with your eyes or a quick nod lets them know you are doing well and don't need anything else at the moment.

Now that we have splitting the bill and paying attention to your server covered, it is also incredibly helpful when guests are truly ready to order after saying they are. It seems a bit strange, at least to us servers, but you wouldn't believe how many people say they are ready to order only to fumble over the menu and have trouble making a final decision. While this isn't the biggest issue — sometimes so many things look tasty, and it's hard to decide, am I right? — this seemingly insignificant gesture is wildly beneficial for you and everyone else vying for your server's attention.

However, if you're not ready to order yet, just say so, and they'll come back. Your server is waiting on more than just your table, at least most of the time, so don't put a wrench in things. As it turns out, your server's attention and how they divide it is a delicate ecosystem. If they don't keep moving things along during a busy period, it's very easy to fall behind, and it only takes a minute or two. Do yourself and them a favor and let them keep up their pace by only saying you are ready to place your order when you truly mean it.

Almost all restaurant servers tell you their name when they greet the table. There are some exceptions. For example, I used to tell people my name after I took their order because I found they typically did a better job remembering it (easier to focus after their meal was sorted, and all). Regardless, my decision to do so stemmed from people consistently forgetting my name, something that always made me feel like I was wasting my breath. I mean, why bother if they aren't even listening? There's a simple way to avoid this, though: Remember your server's name and use it when addressing them. This small sign of respect is greatly appreciated by many servers, and it's easy, so no excuses.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Your server is a real person, don't treat them like "the help." They are worthy of remembering their name, especially considering all the things you will ask them for before your interactions are done. You can always forget it the moment you walk out the door as well. Just make an effort, and your server will appreciate the gesture. Heck, some people don't even remember which person is their server (ugh), so using their name will take you far, like really far.

No surprises here, but saying please and thank you will take you far in life as a whole. That goes for all of your interactions with other people, and yes, this includes restaurant servers as well. Actually, saying please and thank you every single time your server brings you something is a small gesture that, once again, shows a baseline of respect. It also demonstrates your gratitude in small, yet meaningful ways over the course of your meal.

Even if you start to feel like minding your p's and q's becomes repetitive, just keep at it. Gotta give respect to get it, right? Besides, no one wants to feel underappreciated, and unfortunately, restaurant servers frequently feel this way. Instead of being part of the problem, be polite. Heck, sometimes I even say thank you to Siri.

Whatever you do, just make sure you don't grunt when your server drops something off at your table. Or, worse yet, say something like "finally!" Ugh, I hated that. Sure, sometimes it took longer than I wanted to retrieve items for a table, and yes, occasionally I would forget things — we are all human — but the customers who "got it" and still said thanks were always my favorite. You probably aren't vying for a spot as all of your servers' favorite table of the night, unless you are a regular, but being polite will never make someone upset.

Whether you've ever heard of the term "one-timing" a server or not, it is a thing, and servers can't stand it. For those of you who don't already know, one-timing a server is when you only ask for one thing every time your server visits the table, but in the end, you need many. Basically, your server stops by, and you ask for something, like extra napkins. When they return with the napkins, you ask for something else, maybe more salad dressing. Then, when they bring the salad dressing, you miraculously need yet another thing. This happens all of the time, and oh man, is it annoying. When I wasn't very busy, it wasn't that big of a deal. I get it, sometimes you just don't know what you might need yet. Still, one table doing this during a rush was enough to throw my entire flow off for quite some time.

Instead of one-timing your server and monopolizing their time, think about all the things you might want or need to enjoy your meal, and ask for it all at the same time. Not only does this mean your server won't have to run back and forth repeatedly, but it also makes their jobs a lot easier. If that isn't something they can appreciate, I don't know what is. Plus, asking for everything at once also ensures you actually get it all and don't have to wait longer than necessary.

When you are super excited about enjoying a delicious meal made by restaurant chefs, it's understandable that you might make a little bit of a mess. Crumbs on the table happen, like all of the time. However, it's what you do with these crumbs that makes a difference. Some people sweep them onto the floor, but I'm here to tell you that's a bad move. Servers have to sweep that up, and it's much easier for them to simply wipe the table down than have to get a broom and dustpan out as well. So, if you want to sweep up your crumbs, just put them on a dirty plate. If you have a toddler or a small child — you know, the kind where it looks like a food bomb went off at the table — definitely don't sweep all of the debris onto the floor. Talk about a massive mess.

Annoyingly, I know someone who sweeps their crumbs up with their hand and then wipes them onto the floor after dining in a restaurant. I'd be lying if I said I didn't grimace on the inside every time I witness it. Hopefully, my face doesn't show how I really feel, but knowing me, it does. FYI: I've already pleaded my case with them once, and some people just can't be helped — not you, though. Regardless, I'm not even a server anymore, and it still bothers me. Don't be that person.

Sweeping crumbs from your meal onto the floor is a hard no, but that doesn't mean you can't tidy up your table a little bit. Actually, if you do, it's sure to be a small gesture your server appreciates. Simply putting things like trash and silverware on your empty plates goes a long way in helping them clean up efficiently. It can also prevent your server from having to bend over the table to retrieve things — they might just leave them if they are out of reach. Of course, it will provide you with a cleaner space to enjoy as well. So really, it's a win-win.

As for stacking your plates, it's an age-old debate. While some servers appreciate it, others adamantly do not. In nicer restaurants, it's definitely a big no-no, but in diners and more casual spots, it might be appreciated. The issue with stacking plates, however, lies in how good a job you do. You may think you're helping out and saving your server a few moments (every second counts when they are busy), but if you stack them precariously, it might just make more work for them. For example, if they try to grab the stack of plates and it's wobbly due to silverware being sandwiched in between or simply isn't balanced properly, it becomes more of a hassle than it is worth.

When your meal has finally come to a close, and the bill arrives at your table, it's always best to settle up promptly. Even if you don't plan on getting up immediately, closing out your tab straight away eliminates your server's need to keep coming back to the table and bothering you about it. If you've ever seen your server circling and maybe even hovering close by after the bill has been dropped off, this is likely the reason. Just settle up, though, and they can leave you to it.

As I said, paying your bill doesn't mean you have to vacate the table straight away; maybe you have some more catching up to do with whomever you are dining with. Typically, this isn't an issue (more on that later, though). Even so, it is possible to overstay your welcome, even when you are a paying customer at a restaurant. Obviously, you don't want to linger for hours without ordering anything else, but staying for a short time is more than acceptable. Unless, of course, it's extremely busy. Speaking of which...

Every server fears the dreaded table of "campers," particularly when the restaurant is exceptionally busy, or it is time to close for the night (or maybe the day if you're at a breakfast spot). In case you aren't familiar with the term campers, at least in the way restaurants use it, it refers to a person or group of people who finished their meal but, instead of leaving, stayed at their table for a considerable amount of time afterward. As I mentioned earlier, it is okay to stay seated for a short while, but you don't want to overdo it. If you do, chances are good your server will be groaning in the back about you to their colleagues.

The absolute worst time to be a camper is when a restaurant is mid-rush, and people are waiting for an open table to free up. Why? Well, it prevents your server from getting another new table to wait on. Translation: They lose out on the potential to make more money from tips. Yes, they get an hourly rate, but depending on where you are, it could be well below the typical minimum wage. That's right, they depend on tips to make the bulk of their income. So, if you see people waiting for tables, do not stay after you're done with your meal, or you will essentially be taking money out of your server's pockets. No, thanks!