Telling Your Server You 'Know The Restaurant Owner' Doesn't Have The Effect You Think It Does

Imagine you're walking into your favorite restaurant, already mentally rehearsing your order. You've met the owner of your go-to spot before, and are wondering if maybe — just maybe — dropping their name might get you a free drink, dessert, or even a fully comped tab. While this may seem like an easy way to save cash or get more attention from your server, it's actually not a great move. It's not likely to get you better service, free food, or any other special off-menu accommodations.

The truth is, your server likely isn't a fan of the name-drop. I spent a decade working as a server in the restaurant industry, from diner-style joints to upscale surf-and-turf restaurants. No matter the restaurant, my reaction to customers who asked to see the owner was the same. If they actually knew them and wanted to chat, a server wouldn't be involved at all. The customer would have already sent a quick text or called, and the owner would have asked me to let them know when their friend arrived. 

Once when a customer said they knew the owner, I went back to tell her and she simply said, "Tell them I'm not here — and don't give them anything for free." And that's the crux of the problem. People who name-drop often aren't actually that close with the owner — at least, not close enough to have a casual table-side conversation with them. So, anytime I was hit with a name-drop, there was no way that I was going to take an item off a tab. I didn't have the authority to do so nor did I want to bother the manager. 

When servers are hit with the "I know the owner," it feels like the customer expects special treatment. Otherwise, what's the point of mentioning your connection to your server? In a Reddit post on name-drops in r/TalesFromYourServer, many said the comment typically comes with a sense of entitlement. One user said the move "preys on fear,"  because it plays on servers' worries about getting in trouble if they don't do what the customer wants. Another noted, "If you knew the owner, you'd know the owner wouldn't want you coming in telling their employees you know the owner."

If you're actually a close friend of the owner's, or you'd like to get to know them better, shoot them a text or email on your way to the restaurant. If you're an acquaintance of the owner and you'd like them to know that you were there, timing is key. At the end of the meal — after you've paid your bill and tipped your server (provided you're in an American restaurant where tipping is the norm) — it's fine to say something like "Could you let the owner know that Todd stopped by and everything was fantastic?" This allows you to give your server a pat on the back and let the owner know that you loved their restaurant without making it seem like you're trying to get something for free.