Home Cooking 7

Will God forgive my produce guy? I will not. (An onion ?) long

bryan | Jan 15, 200602:13 AM

A meat or marinara sauce is the normal staple on Sunday in our house. Anything from simple to sublime is the order of the day. I normally start the sauce on Saturday - I will admit that I sometimes cheat and just reheat sauce from the previous week that's been in the freezer. But my SOB produce guy is screwing up the plan. Not the first time. I could recount the story of the wormy leeks, but I digress.

Today I casually grab three Spanish onions. Innocuously, I presume they're fresh. My recipe is quite simple - to every can of San Marzano tomatoes - 2 T. olive oil; 1 crushed clove of garlic; 1 finely minced small Spanish onion - and whatever floats my boat. Could be chunked up pot roast, ground beef, sausage - it's a mood thing. Sometimes no meat whatsoever. But the onion is KEY.

So as the sauce is cooking tonight I decide to brown up some cuisinart ground chuck. I go to chop and then add the onion. This is an onion like no other. This is an onion a soap opera diva would adore to have by her side for her own personal crying game moment. It's kinda slimey, it's so aromatic my cat runs from the kitchen - and he's an onion fan. If the sauce is salty, it's from my copious tears. Cooking the onion down has only added to my misery. The house smells of onion soup gone amazingly wrong - and the onion was not BAD - it had no green in the center, no mold, it wasn't soft. And the worst is yet to come...

I have two more of these Mother F*****s sitting on my counter staring at me with a malignant smirk on their slimey little faces - as if they're saying "Eat Me!" Is there a way a tame a nasty onion? Or do I hunt down the produce guy and bitch slap him with one of them?

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