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A Federal Goosing

oystertripe | Sep 12, 200907:01 AM

Here we are, blessed with a bounty unseen since pre-Columbian days and cursed with their concomitant results: Canada geese. As familiar now as sparrows and fecally fruitful as Great Danes, these illegal aliens nosh our greenways with impunity, all the while creating a surface so noxious and slippery that Little League games resemble the Ice Follies and a simple stroll in the park requires a pair of sturdy gumboots and a clothespin for olfactory protection.

Dare not molest one of these gregarious creatures and don't even THINK about luring one to your roasting pan; they are foreign visitors under the full aegis of our Federal government: they have, in a way, diplomatic immunity.

What a waste (both ways). How much we hear of hunger, yet millions of pounds of lean, organically-grown flesh parades in full taunt of rumbling bellies. Many of our new citizens, coming from nations not yet divorced from their food origins, are as familiar and comfortable turning a live goose into dinner as others of us are applying Cheez Whiz to a Triscuit.

Let them at it! Think of it: at no cost to anyone, the hungry will be fed; our lawns and public ways will be cleaned and no longer will our ponds and lakes be polluted with disease-causing goose dung. The only possible losers may be the hardy band of otolaryngologists who toil over ear infections contracted during a splash in some public swimming hole. And think of the fluffy goose-down comforters that will warm our down-and-out brethren!

Let us goose our representatives into action!

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