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General Discussion 25

How To Chose A Restaurant In Toronto (Or Anywhere Else)

evansl | May 10, 2015 03:40 PM

As a public service, I am dispensing my many years experience of trying, and often usually failing, to find a decent meal in Toronto (or anywhere else.) I have developed an infallible set of criterion for determining what restaurants to avoid.

1. Web site has no prices (what are they hiding?)
2. Takes no reservations (I'm not traveling across town to stand in line to give you my money)
3. Specializes in tapas, "small plates", etc. (cheap trick to get drunk people order lots of dishes and to spend a fortune before they realize what's happening)
4. Call their cuisine "fusion" (if you can't do one thing right, mixing it up won't make it better)
5. Has a web page called "Our History," "Our Vision", etc. (who cares? I mean, who really cares?)
6. Uses the words "organic", "sustainable", etc. (I'm not going to pay for some pretentious fool's ideology)
7. Web site pictures show sauce in zig-zag patterns around a tiny pile of food in the middle of a large plate. (The courses are small that you have to order a lot and spend a bundle. But you aren't supposed to mind because it looks nice)
8. Web pictures show 20 somethings holding a glass of Champaign and laughing. (They cater to easily gulled children who wouldn't know a good meal if it hit them on the head)
9. Celebrity chef. (Food by brand name? He's probably too busy with publicity interview to actually cook. Yes, I'm talking about you van Gameren)
10. Corporate food, i.e. restaurants with locations in many cities. (Food by marketing formula)
11. The decibel level is over 120. (This rules out about half the local restaurants.)
12. Restaurants where you are greeted with "Hi guys!!" (Children should be seen and not heard)
13. Is highly rated by Joanne Kates (The George Costanza of restaurant critics. If she loves it, avoid it like the plague. OK, Scaramouche is an exception)

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