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Basically asked/guilted into cancelling our New Years Party - did I react in the right way?

Amariel13 | Nov 27, 201406:07 PM     35

So the backstory - my partner and I have quite a large extended group of friends (we're talking 30+ people when you take into account their partners). Over the last 6 years, by the time November has arrived someone has announced that they will be hosting a New Years party. The invitations may not have gone out or anything, but we all know where the party will be that year.

This year, we hit mid November and no one had even mentioned New Years. We were approached by some friends and approached others to see if anyone was planning on doing anything. Nothing. We had mentioned to some friends that, if no one else organises anything, we would probably have a party (we did it last year though). So, last night we decided to go ahead and make a Facebook event because they're still appeared to be nothing going on.

Within 5 minutes of the event going live, I received a phone call from a friend's boyfriend. He starts going on about how he and his housemate were planning on throwing a New Years party, and that he thought he told us. I said that he obviously hadn't; had I known that anyone else was throwing a party, I certainly wouldn't have organised my own. I could tell that he wanted us to cancel our party, but he was too polite to say so.

Then he dropped this bombshell - "well, we will be going ahead with our party anyway and we're planning on inviting most of the people you have invited to your party". I felt like saying "sorry, we got in first; maybe you should consider just not throwing a party" but didn't want to cause an argument. Instead, I pointed out that we were already getting people accepting our invite and pointed out AGAIN that none of our friends appeared to know he was throwing a party, so it wasn't like I had done this out of spite.

Anyway, the conversation went on like this for 20 minutes. In the end, I decided that it wasn't worth the stress and that it was unfair to make my friends choose between two parties, so I said I would cancel. Then he started being all apologetic about the whole thing and hung up. There were only 5 people who had accepted and 2 who had said maybe, so I personally called them all and explained what had happened. I also cancelled the Facebook event.

My partner and some of our friends all believed that I shouldn't have backed down. They said that we got in first and that it's not our fault he was keeping his party under wraps or had "forgotten" to tell people about it (even now, no one has received an invitation). They said I should have let him throw his party and let everyone choose which one they wanted to attend. I thought I was being the bigger person. Did I deal with this in the right way or was I too much of a pushover?

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