A militant faction of meat-free warriors was spurred into action by the following passage from Anthony Bourdain’s book Kitchen Confidential:

Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food.

Granted, being a hater is Bourdain’s shtick, and he seems to be exaggerating for effect. But clearly, this irked a few vegans, who started a blog called Hezbollah Tofu to retaliate. Their first post makes it kind of hard to tell if they’re super pissed off or if they’re just writing in an over-the-top manner as a sarcastic homage to Bourdain himself:

[W]e aren’t just going to ‘enjoy’ food, we’re going to enjoy vastly improved, veganized versions of your masturbatory, blood-oozing recipes. And then we’re going to compile them, sell them in zine form, and donate the proceeds to vegan outreach organizations and farm sanctuaries—in your name.

Them’s fightin’ words! But after publishing a rather creepy-looking version of champagne scallops (they’re actually made of tofu—it’s probably just the lighting that’s making them look unappetizing) and a take on boudin they call “Bloody Bourdain” (it’s a vegan blood sausage made with black carrot juice, black sticky rice, and pearl tapioca), this collective blog hasn’t shown many signs of life. The last time top blogger Sara checked in was July 3—when she mentioned that she might have a book deal in the works. Perhaps she’s holed up in her kitchen, veganizing like a mad woman, which would be good news for all the meat-free folks out there who need a recipe for “Pot au Feu. Except, you know, not gross.

See more articles