Celebrate Festivus

The holiday for the rest of us

Yes, you can roast your Christmas pig and deck your halls. Bake your cookies and wrap your gifts. But if that tinsel is just a little too sparkly, that tree a little too

pine-scented, there’s Festivus. It’s a modern holiday, celebrated on December 23 (or whenever you’d like) and introduced to the world via Seinfeld, that propagator of pop-culture cynicism. Here’s your Festivus primer and a menu inspired by all the disillusioned revelers who’ve contributed to the holiday’s brief but lively history. Raise your Festivus Pole and gather your grievances, there are muffin tops to eat.

Bacon-Thyme Corn Muffin Tops Cognac Shrimp Bisque Elaine’s Big Garden Salad Honey-Mustard Glazed Ham German Chocolate Cake

« Bacon-Thyme Corn Muffin Tops
Elaine insisted on throwing away the muffin stumps and eating only the tops. These corn muffin tops, flecked with herbs and bacon, are for you, Elaine.

» Cognac Shrimp Bisque
Our muffin tops reach the heights of muffinness when dipped in this bisque.

« Elaine’s Big Garden Salad
Again, we look to Elaine, who really embodies the spirit of this spiritless holiday. What’s in her salad? “Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs,” according to Jerry. This is our interpretation of that salad, downsized to human proportions.

» Honey-Mustard Glazed Ham
Allen Salkin, who wrote a book on Festivus, decreed that there should be a ham coated in Junior Mints–and-Snapple glaze. Our ham is just better.

« German Chocolate Cake
One Festivus tradition has families devouring Pepperidge Farm cakes studded with M&M’s for dessert. We riffed on the idea and came up with this cake.

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