Here is the kind of opening line that gives me a thrill: “Police are trying to find the man in a red Corvette who keeps visiting the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through window while naked from the waist down.”

Ha ha ha ha ha! Apparently, some coffee-loving pervert in Lake Mary, Florida, has taken to driving through Dunkin’ Donuts with no pants on. He orders coffee. And he keeps coming back.

Seemingly this kind of thing isn’t all that uncommon. There have been other reports of people cruising through drive-throughs in the nude, sometimes even while having sex in the car. But my favorite story has to be that of Detroit Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen being arrested for free-ballin’ through a Wendy’s in 2006, because the next Halloween one of his players and the player’s wife wore costumes of a naked man and a Wendy’s employee to a Halloween party. Oh, the player even wore a coach’s whistle. That one had to hurt.

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