Here's How To Handle An Unexpected Gift From A Dinner Party Guest
In a world of countless restaurants and apps that bring food to your door without the need to speak to another human, it can be easy to forget the simple joys of having friends over for dinner. The responsibility of planning an event and getting your space ready to receive others, combined with the inherent sophistication of the whole ordeal makes hosting a dinner party something of a rite of passage for young adults and new homeowners of any age. While it all may seem a bit overwhelming at first, dinner parties are a rewarding and fun way to connect with your friends and enjoy a good meal. But these soirees do come with some expectations, especially in the etiquette department.
Dinner parties can be casual affairs, but depending on the situation, they are also often events where good manners cannot be taken for granted. Etiquette is an important tool for party guests to show thanks and respect to their host, and vice versa. For a dinner party host, it helps to know how to deal with unexpected developments with grace and kindness. You may already know what to do when surprise guests show up at your door, but handling their unpredicted gifts is a whole other ball game. Luckily, Chowhound was able to get an expert's advice on the best way to handle this potential snag in your party plans.
Politely save the gift for later
Part of hosting a dinner party involves deciding what will be served, including sides, entrees, desserts, and drinks. Once you have the menu planned out, any unexpected dishes can throw off your carefully crafted spread. For example, a French-themed dinner will not be helped by a plate of nachos brought by a guest. These surprise gifts are no doubt well-intentioned, but they can throw off the style of the evening, especially if the host feels pressured to serve the wine or dish in question. To learn how to deal with this potential faux pas, Chowhound interviewed Nikesha Tannehill Tyson, an etiquette expert and esteemed partner at The Swann School of Protocol Shreveport and author of the etiquette guide "Going Public."
For unexpected gifts, Tannehill Tyson explains it's the guest's responsibility to understand that it is not a social slight if their food or drink isn't served with the rest of the meal. "It is a gift for the host to enjoy another time," says Tannehill Tyson, so there should be no awkwardness if the host chooses not to include the present with the rest of the dinner party spread. Tannehill Tyson says, "The host should receive the gift graciously with a thank you," and tell the guest that you are excited to indulge in the gift at another time.
Advice for the guest
When you reverse the roles and become a guest invited to someone else's dinner party, it's easy to understand the impulse to bring a gift. The host is opening up their home to you, and it makes sense to want to repay that sentiment. However, one of the best ways to respect your host is to follow the instructions they set out for their partygoers. That means if the host says not to bring anything, don't bring anything; they will appreciate you accommodating their wishes.
If you feel you absolutely must show up with a gift, bring something that is obviously not intended to be served that night, ideally something non-perishable or with a long shelf life. A bottle of quality olive oil, a nice box of chocolates, or a fancy candle are all good gift options that won't put your host under pressure. Avoid bringing flowers, especially if they still need to be cut, put in a vase, and watered — you never want to give your host a chore.
It's easy to discredit proper etiquette as a concept of a bygone era, but it's a crucial component of maintaining our relationships and fostering new connections. As a dinner party host, learning how to receive unexpected gifts will help you avoid a potentially awkward situation, and make the most of your evening.