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insanely bad pizza--a cautionary tale


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insanely bad pizza--a cautionary tale

butterfly | Aug 27, 2003 01:05 PM

This weekend, we were walking back from the zoo at that horrible time between lunch and dinner (around 4:30) when pickins can be slim in certain neighborhoods.

Hungry, we headed toward Woodley Park. We had a toddler who needed to eat, so we couldn't wait it out until the better restaurants opened for dinner at 5:00 or 5:30. In an moment of indecision, we decided to go to Woodley Cafe. (Why, oh why, didn't we go to the Indian place next door?)

I saw "wood oven pizza" on the menu and was pleasantly surprised. "They have a wood oven here?" I mumbled to myself... "Could this be a hidden pizza gem, overlooked because of it's proximity to Vace?" The toppings looked promising--capers, olives, artichoke hearts... I ordered a pizza with visions of the fine wood oven pizzas at Pizzeria Paradiso in my head--crispy/chewy crust, light sauce, impeccable ingredients.

Oh, woe, was the sad and flaccid dough disk that was placed in front of me. This was: the worst pizza I have ever eaten. It had surely never seen the inside of a "wood oven." The sauce was cloyingly sweet with no flavors that could be called "good." The cheese was of the "cheese-food-product" variety. The crust was formless, flavorless, and had frozen-food-indentations on the bottom. The only thing I can compare it to is the awful frozen government surplus pizza that we were served in elementary school as part of the free school lunch program. Or that bizarre frozen "french bread pizza" phase that America went through in the 1980s.

Despite being ravenously hungry, my two year old inexplicably turned his nose up at it after one bite. I ate one piece and then requested that we pay and leave the premises as soon as possible.

This pizza is an insult to chowhounds, two-year-olds and anyone who has a stake in pursuing platonic ideals such as quality, goodness, honesty, and most of all flavor.

And, no, we didn't ask to speak to management or request a refund. There was no hope that anyone involved in this Pizzeria Inferno could make this right.

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