The Food Section has the lowdown on a horrible new promotional campaign that turns containers of sprayable edibles into Sex and the City–like characters.

It hurts me to write about this. Really it does; particularly since the last thing I wrote for the Grinder concerned yet another execrable food promo. But it’s too awful. I can’t help myself.

Here’s an excerpt from the PR pitch, as reported by the Food Section:

The fridge is full of love and adventure in ‘Sprays in the City,’ a fresh, new animated romantic comedy, starring an all-star celebrity cast including Extra’s Mark McGrath, Project Runway star Tim Gunn, and Fabio. The webisodes follow the adventures of two gorgeous city sprays. Spraychel, the captivating I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!®’s spray, and Spritzy, the feisty Wish-Bone® Salad Spritzers® Dressing.

Oh. My. God. There’s a video of the first webisode on the site, too. Ouch. It’s not that I ever intended to buy these products—I’ll prefer butter to not-butter, and V&O will do me for a salad dressing, thanks—but now the images of the bottles done up in miniskirts and spike heels will haunt me forever.

As Heather Cocks, comistress of Go Fug Yourself, says on her personal blog, Dancing Brave, the GFY ladies were “rendered speechless” when hearing of the episodes:

They are as terrible and hilarious as I had hoped. Spraychel the Butter Spray, upon finding out that somebody was getting between her and Cobbert Huskenberg (a giant corn on the cob) screamed, ‘THAT COB-BLOCKER!!!’ before turning around and hissing at the cob-man, ‘GO SHUCK YOURSELF.’

And the first episode is all about them trying to pick up movie-star vegetables at a club. It’s… it’s so strange. Seriously, it’s… I mean, Tim Gunn, why? WHY?

You said it, Heather.

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