Beach vacations, exposed midriff, and brunch-side bottles of rosé may be sure-tell signs that summer has arrived, but fans of CBS’s long-running competition series Big Brother know that our favorite season only begins after a dress-clad Julie Chen mutters the words “welcome, houseguests” on Wednesday, June 28 at 8/7c.
In celebration of the long-awaited season 19 premiere, we decided to whip up a batch of everyone’s favorite Big Brother treat: Paul’s friendship muffins. ZIIIIIIING! Just kidding. What we really meant to say was “slop.”
Sure, the protein and vitamin heavy concoction is obviously no treat, but it has provided viewers with television gold as house have-nots (those who fail at weekly challenges) squirm and gag at the prospect of eating what is essentially gruel served in oversized buckets. But let’s be honest, we’ve all kind of wanted to know how it tastes…and now’s your chance!
To get started, all you need is steel cut oats, unflavored whey protein isolate, unflavored soy protein, and vitamin and mineral powder. You can also top your finished slop with one of the following pre-approved condiments: balsamic vinegar, olive oil, red wine vinegar, rice vinegar, vegetable oil, hot sauce, ketchup, BBQ sauce, mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, olives, relish, salsa, soy sauce, steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, honey, maple syrup, black pepper, garlic salt, crushed red pepper, salt, vanilla, basil, bay leaves, cinnamon, leaf oregano, paprika, parsley, rosemary, brown sugar, artificial sweetener, powder creamer, white sugar, coffee, tea, protein powder, and milk. It’s no Head of Household basket, but your options aren’t completely tragic.
Check out the video above for a step-by-step cooking process, as well as the exact (and surprisingly healthy) recipe that producers use on the show. Who knows, you may actually like the unappetizing taste and consistency. Expect the unexpected.
Get the Official Big Brother Slop recipe.