1Squeeze the bejeezus out of a can of mushrooms until you’ve gotten all the liquid out or you just don’t care anymore. In a non-stick skillet, saute the mushrooms in the butter along with the onion until the onions are browned and the mushrooms have developed some taste. Add some garlic now, or don’t. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
2If you have an egg, this is the time to decide whether the (optional) applies to you. Would you like an egg? Well then go ahead and scramble it and pour it over. I mostly like it without the egg. Cover the whole mess with an obscene amount of shredded cheese. Let the cheese get stuck to the bottom of the pot while you toast an english muffin or whatever you happen to be using for a raft. Like hot sauce? I do!
3Sit yourself in front of the TV and see what flavor of Law & Order is on while you enjoy your masterpiece. You could’ve eaten that nasty old frozen dinner but you rose above. You rock.
Watch to find out the best ways to toast different breads and why.
Open a Bottle of Wine
The first step to wine appreciation is opening the bottle. Jeff Creamer, former wine director at the now-defunct San Francisco restaurant Two, coaxes a cork from a bottle in a few easily replicable steps.