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Seduction Dinner Disasters

outRIAAge | Feb 4, 201711:21 AM

You know the kind: you've spent days planning the menu, getting rid of roommates, making a custom seduction playlist, but when the moment arrives, it just doesn't go well.

I'll seed the thread with two quick ones for now.

1) We have a whole day-trip planned, so she comes over for breakfast. She's enthusiastic to help clean the mushrooms, but everything else is ready, so I say skip cleaning them.

She: "But there's dirt on them!"
Me, distracted: "That's not dirt, it's just horseshit."

2) Blind-date seduction dinners are a doubly-bad idea. Within ten seconds after she arrived, I knew there was no spark whatsoever coming from her. But I can enjoy almost anybody's company for an evening, and she was Russian, and interesting, so I gamely surprised her with a beefy borscht, some forgotten main course, and flambeed blini.

Still purely going through the motions, I finished in style. I gave her the hand-kiss and said: "Thank you for the evening. I found your company fascinating."

She: "Faskination is not how I vould karakterize my response tu u​.​"

She was utterly startled by my response, which was to laugh out loud, high-five her, and declare that my new favourite-ever blow-off line.

I'm sure there are lots out there. It doesn't have to be a 2-person dinner, it just needs to have seduction buried somewhere in the plans.

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