What is the most foolproof thing to order in the bane of a cocktail enthusiast - the bustling nightclub?
Things have to be simple here. In these places the music is blaring, the bar is a layered 4 bodies deeps, and if ever get the bartender's attention you have to yell your order. In general you're being very generous calling em "bartenders." The classics are generally out, you'd be lucky to get someone who knows what a manhattan is let alone make one to an acceptable level. I mean I've had a failed vodka/cranberry... that was rather amazing.
Any drinks ought to be super simple - 3 ingredients or less OR something so universally known that every barkeep can make it. Something so simple that it can't be ruined by the worst pour in the universe. (We're probably going to be stuck with fratboy stalwarts like long island ice teas, but thats alright)
Heres some things that I've had success with
Malibu + Pineapple: Tastes good no matter how poorly its made. It's generally not too sweet because the cup full of ice waters it down. Unfortunately it is very low on the ABV.
"It'll get you drunk" category:
Long Beach - Variation on the long island ice tea but with cranberry instead of coke. Rather crude and pedestrian but it gets the job done. Usually barkeeps have so much experience making L.I. ice teas that this works well. Probably one of the best values for the very big $.