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Diva Chefs - To Anthony

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Diva Chefs - To Anthony

Simon Majumdar | Nov 10, 2000 07:26 AM

Anthony

Fair comments ( on the whole )

BUT

Imagine the reverse.

You hear about a restaurant that has received good reviews. The talented young chef is receiving plaudits up the keister and trying to get a reservation is like getting an honest answer out of Tony Blair. Finally, after three weeks of trying, you get a human voice on the phone who disdainfully grants you a booking some five weeks hence ( as long as you leave your firstborn as deposit and give the spotty urchin on the phone the number to your black amex. Of course it is unheard of any of these knucklescrapers illegally using the number to order stuff from Amazon or e-bay !!)

Then the big day arrives. Oh how you have bragged to anyone who will listen about the expected feast ahead. Even though past experiences should have warned you. but, this time will be better wont it?

By this time, said talented young chef has become a star. he has his own TV show where he can display to the whole World just what an eccentric genius he is. what will his gimmick be I wonder. riding around on a scooter, drinking a lot , or perhaps just being a loadmouth oaf a la Ramsey He has a book deal ( no offense ) of course, which has the same old recipes as every other book but with lots of out of focus photographs. And he may ( as in the case of the truly hideous Jamie Oliver ) have been signed up to make a record!!

But , when you get there it is obvious that things are not quite right. Obviously the restaurant is doing you the favour by letting you into their establishment to spend a few hundred quid but do they really have to be so disdainful and do they really have to put you in the crappy table but the toilets? When you complain they give you that look thats says " like you deserve better you scum!! "

So you sit down and look to order. The food will make up for it all, you are sure. But No! Since your chef is now a star they can get 200 covers in not 80 and by adding a few more people on the line they can churn out more of his wonderful dishes. And, of course our poor chef can't be expected to oversee everything in the process. After all he has the woman from TheTatler coming to interview him and wouldn't want to make his hair all greasy now would he? So he becomes the executive chef. The culinary equivalent of phoning your performance in.

So the food disappoints and when you have the temerity to complain that a sauce is over salty, or steak is nearly raw ( I know about not ordering well done but surely they can do more than hold it under the lightbulb in a kitchen when asked) you are treated as if you had suggested that Hitler was " not a bad guy with some really neat ideas"

Finally the bill comes. It is equivalent to the GDP of Bolivia and presented with such smugness as if to say " how do you like them apples fat boy" as you audibly inhale breath.

The only think that cheers you up in the cold London wind and rain is that given the nature of trends the place will be closed and turned into a kebab joint within six months While said superstar will have had his 15 minutes and be flipping burgers somewhere at a football ground and telling all who will listen " I used to be famous me"

Fair? You tell me

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