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Restaurants & Bars 8

chili dogs and the quest for oouckiness.

Thi N. | Dec 12, 200501:13 PM

There's a certain quality to a chili dog that I like. I can't exactly describe it... I call it oouckiness. I can't even write it down right. There's a correct way to pronounce it, but it involves references acts that I can't on a family website. (There's a good description of it, in the Vice Guide to , that distinguishes between, in certain moments of romantic ferver, the noise referenced by "uh" or "oh", versus the noise referenced by "ungh." It's the latter noise, that a lesser version of is to be used in pronouncing "oouckiness".)

It's a certain charming stickiness, a certain uengency. It's *not* simple greasiness. Dribbly greasiness is gross. It's not dribbling orange grease. It's a kind of semi-congealed state, which gives the chili dog a pleasure somewhat akin to, say, the insides toasted marshmellows, or smoked salmon, or salmon sashimi. It's a strange, mouth-coating delight. It makes make that noise, like the "tsk tsk" noise, but more gently, with a soft, gooey delight.

Anyway, I had a whiff of the uengentic, ooucky pleasure at the Korean-run hot dog and burger stand across from the Vine St. DMV, which I saw while waiting for my girlfriend to get some paperwork done and which sat in the back of my head murmering "Korean chili dogs, Korean chili-dogs, Korean chili-dogs" until I walked down there and had one.

Dog was good, grilled until bursting. Chili-dog was ooickey, and only mildly gross. I was slightly disgusted with myself, but also obsessed.

I have tried: Pink's. I hate pinks. They have yellow drippy grease. It drips over everything and doesn't give you anything. What's the point of eating all that much grease if it ain't semi-congealed and oiocky? Gross.

I've partaken of the Original Tommy's on Hollywood and Gower. Way more rancid and disgusting tasting then any other chili dog, but also highest on the ouiocky factor. The smell of rank chili stuck to my mouth and hands for six hours afterwards. My girlfriend refused to kiss me. I think about it late at night sometimes, when I'm sad or very hungry. I still want more.

Skooby's. This, I thought, would be it. A real gourmet hot dog stand, run by a hot chick with a tattoo. I was there with my girlfriend. We were having a hot dog and fries before going to a movie. It was like we were regular people on a regular date, instead of driving halfway across the county to look for, I don't know, the best tempuraed octapus or something. The hot dog looked good. I was excited.

Result? Uh, kind of boring, actually. Sausage was snappy, but tasted like nitrates. "Guinness chili" was very slightly oucky and had no taste, and the whole affair was not at all rancid or disgusting, but it was kind of... declawed for a chili dog. Mostly, it didn't taste like much of anything at all.

I want mo and better.


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