A Marines-Themed Hamburger Chain?

"It’s exciting, but a little scary." That's what Domino's Pizza founder and former U.S. Marine Tom Monaghan told Nation's Restaurant News about his new restaurant concept, called Gyrene Burger.

Here is the idea: Gyrene is a nickname for a Marine. When you order from Gyrene, men in camouflage outfits ("gyrene joggers") will run from a delivery car toward your door, hand you your burger, call you "Sir" or "Ma'am" as is gender appropriate, salute, and then run back to the car. The menu offers no drinks and no sides. Just burgers and faux Marines, running straight at you.

Monaghan also is quoted by NRN as saying, "I'm not sure if this concept will work."

Of course it will work. And after its success, he may want to consider the following three ideas for franchises (offered here with an expectation of profit-sharing or at least a lucrative purchase of naming rights).

Hot Dog! A Pit Bull Eatery

World's simplest concept: hot dogs delivered by specially trained pit bull terriers. The pit bull Delivery Dog runs to your door with your order in its mouth. The Delivery Dog Tamer calls your house from the delivery car and you open the door, wrest the bag out of the dog's mouth, and deposit your cash or signed credit card receipt in a special pouch fastened to the dog's underside. If everything goes as planned, the dog leaves and you enjoy your food.

The Pizza Burglars

When you place an order for a pizza, you can choose what to order, but not when it will be delivered. Sometime within the next week, two or three vandals dressed in all black will break into your house and stealthily deposit a pizza. Cash and/or valuables equivalent to the pizza's value will then be taken, along with the equivalent of a 15 to 20 percent gratuity.

The Fires of Mount Olympus: Blazing Good Subs

In honor of the Olympic Games, a delivery person throws your order through a window (open or not, your choice) attached to an authentic piece of Olympic sporting equipment. Choose shot put–, javelin-, or soccer ball–based delivery.

Mr. Monaghan, I'm looking forward to your email. Let's make some money.

Image source: Zagibalov Aleksandr/Shutterstock
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