In an article published this week, Philadelphia Inquirer staff writer Michael Klein takes us inside the sausage-making process whereby thousands of restaurant reviews are whittled away into those pithy quotes in the Zagat Survey.

As the editor of Philadelphia’s Zagat Survey, it’s Klein’s job to string together bons mots from the myriad reviews that diners submit to the guide. But he says he takes the most pleasure in reading those comments that will never see the light of day: “The fun part is stumbling upon a comment that is so outrageous, so inappropriate—and so potentially libelous—that I can’t use it.”

He shares a few winners:

“We thought there was a wet dog in the restaurant, then realized the smell emanated from the food.”

“Better Peking duck is available at our local pond.”

“Is it kept dark so you can’t see the mediocre, overpriced food?”

“The creative decor is enough to give an epileptic seizures.”

“Portions fit for a woolly mammoth.”

“Blllllaaaaaggghhh! I just threw up. Sorry.”

“The geriatric singles scene is still sizzling on Fridays–if you are under 50 watch out.”

“We kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out and tell us we were being Punk’d.”

Sure, Zagat doesn’t want to get sued, but these quotes make for much more interesting reading. For more quotes not fit for print, the Zagat website maintains a running list of outtakes, plus a “hall of fame.”

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