The “what to buy now” section of Bon Appétit teaches the magazine’s readers about “spring’s freshest must-have finds” (article not available online). So, what must we have this spring, and why?

Thing: Knit doughnut toys

Available for a mere … $35

Justification: “The adorable soft knit doughnuts come in a set of five and are cute enough to eat—almost.” Also, they will “inspire imagination rather than cause cavities.”

Rebuttal: “Oh boy, let’s play DOUGHNUTS! I have a doughnut … and … it’s a doughnut. But I can’t eat it. And it’s hand-knit. What’s on TV, Mom?”

Reasonably priced alternative: Actual doughnuts, $3.99.

Thing: Silver tongs

Available for a mere … $350

Justification: “These handcrafted sterling silver tongs are polished to a glossy shine, like jewelry for your table.”

Rebuttal: Seriously? $350? Silver is about $17 a troy ounce. There are 14 troy ounces to the pound. So instead of some tongs, you could buy a pound and a half of silver. And some tongs.

Reasonably priced alternative: $10 silver tongs on eBay, and a pound of silver.

Thing: Egg cozies

Available for a mere … $19 to $21 each

Justification: “Chick- and bunny-shaped felt egg cozies will add whimsy to your table.”

Rebuttal: Have you ever—in your weirdest, wildest nightmares—thought that your hard-cooked egg needed a felt cozy?

Reasonably priced alternative: Not buying a felt egg cozy.

Thing: Recipe box

Available for a mere … $119

Justification: “With hand-embossed dividers and 100 percent cotton card stock, this wooden box is worth all of your best recipes.”

Rebuttal: Wow, 100 percent cotton card stock? That’s gotta be at least $80 worth of value all by itself!

Reasonably priced alternative: A Bon Appétit-branded recipe box, $19.99.

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