Somebody up there loves me. Or, at least, someone on Food Network loves me, because why else would they pit Giada De Laurentiis against Rachael Ray in an Iron Chef competition?

I kid you not. On November 12, Iron Chef America will pit she of the 30 Minute Meals and the pump-DOWN-the-volume talk show against Little Big Head De Laurentiis. When I saw the promo, two thoughts immediately went through my mind: “Well, they won’t need to mike Rachael,” and “I wonder if Giada will insist they use that porntastic wide-angle lens on her.”

Their styles are very different, so it’s anyone’s guess how these food femmes will perform under the watchful eye of Alton Brown. On the one oven mitt you’ve got Giada’s carefully prepared home-style Italian fare, and on the other you’ve got Rachael’s speedy-delivery meals that have her doing balancing acts all over the kitchen. Not sure how either will go down in Kitchen Stadium.

Of course, this may seem like a weird departure for Iron Chef America, given that neither Ray nor De Laurentiis actually is an Iron Chef, but they will both be given a handicap in the form of actual Iron Chefs. Bobby Flay will back De Laurentiis, and Mario Batali will be lending his considerable hands to Ray.

The blog ENTER CREATIVE TITLE HERE comments on the handicap: “They are SAVING these shitty women from making fools out of themselves in a really intense competition. DAMN IT!”

Personal likes and dislikes being what they are, I’m putting my money on Team Batali-Ray. Don’t make me sauté and eat my words, Rachael.

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