For the first time ever, the Food Network will hold its own special awards show in Miami during the Food Network South Beach Wine & Food Festival.

According to the aforementioned Yahoo story, the awards ceremony will be “entertaining” and “off-beat” and will feature Food Network personalities Emeril Lagasse, Rachael Ray, Giada De Laurentiis, Bobby Flay, Paula Deen, Tyler Florence, Sandra Lee, Alton Brown, Dan & Steve, Michael Chiarello, George Duran, Dave Lieberman, Robin Miller, Ingrid Hoffman, and Marc Summers as presenters. In addition to that cavalcade of food stars, other yet-unnamed celebrities will be attending, including “acclaimed musician” G. Love, who will be performing and who will, I am certain, not be allowed to leave the stage until he plays “Special Sauce.”

The 90-minute awards show will air on the Food Network on April 15 at 9 p.m. ET/PT, and interested parties can go to the Food Network website to vote for contestants in any and all “Viewers’ Choice” categories.

Subject to change, the announced award categories will include the following:

• Favorite Comfort Food Combo (Viewers’ Choice)
• Most Delicious Destination, highlighting a rising locale not to be
• Best Ball Park Eats (Viewers’ Choice)
• Play With Your Food: Artwork With an Edible Twist, recognizing one remarkable artist who incorporates food into their work
• Icy Innovations, awarded to innovators in the world of frozen treats
• Tasty Technology, new kitchen appliances that will change the way we cook
• “Professional Grade” Kitchen Appliance You Can’t Live Without (Viewers’ Choice)
• “Hot” Chocolate List, recognizing the hottest chocolatier in the country
• Food Hall of Fame: Tribute to Julia Child, television and food pioneer
• Share Our Strength Food Humanitarian Award, a person who makes the world a better place through food
• Culinary Dreams Can Come True: Culinary Institute of America Scholarship and Food Network Mentorship of a Lifetime
• Favorite Childhood Classics (Viewers’ Choice), awarded to the favorite children’s book about food
• Not Your Grandmother’s Food of the Month Club, given to the most unique food-of-the-month club
• SUPER Market, presented to the grocery chain that has changed the way we shop
• Best Better Burger, recognizing a burger company with a mindful approach to their product and operation
• Favorite Coolest Cocktail (Viewers’ Choice), celebrating Food Network viewers’ favorite classic drink
• Edible Entrepreneurs, acknowledging individuals with a passion for food and an entrepreneurial spirit
• Funniest Food Festival, honoring the wackiest food festival in the country

Eater brings up a valid point: “Somewhat confusing is the extent to which the show seems completely devoid of excitement. There is not a ‘Chef of the Year,’ ‘Food of the Year,’ ‘Food Entertainer of the Year’ or the like in sight.”

I think I’m going to have to start calling this new awards show “The Oscar Mayers.” Now, what wines will go best with bologna sandwiches and wieners?

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