The waiter has Peeves?

Question

So, just for humor, I thought I'd add my own particular set of pet peeves as someone who stands behind the order pad. 
 
1.Grown men who ask for "The Little Boys Room" This creeps me out. Makes me wonder if they've membership in NAMBLA.
 
2.The phrase "Chateau Giuliani" for ice water.
I don't remember if I thought this was clever the first time I heard it but I can assure you now that it makes me homicidal. The real question is will I be bearing "Chateau Bloomberg" next year?
 
3.Whoever marketed Patagonian Tooth Fish as "Chilean Sea Bass" forever mucking it up for those of us that serve real sea bass only to have it sent back for not being "Chilean" (Jim, this is one of MY windmills!)

Answer

Chris--I just let out a howl of laughter in my thankfully empty office, at your mention of shades of NAMBLA when guys ask for the "little boys room." Love it!
 
It's been a good lesson hearing from the servers' side about diners' strange ways. Schmindgrid wrote a great defense as well. In a sense, all servers are being asked to give daily performances--which are critiqued--and rewarded--or not. That's tough when you get cranky diners. I don't have to face that in my daily work. A great sense of humor must help make the entire job easier. And it sounds like most people in your industry have it. Thanks for all the enlightening posts.

Answer

1) I don't come to your office and carry trays of food and drink around, please don't come to mine and teleconference to Tokyo. Sure, it's impressive as hell that you have your very own phone, but do you really need to spend two hours in a restaurant calling everyone you know just to tell them where you're calling them from? No lie, I once had a table of four guys with phones permenantly attached to their ears. I don't think they ever actually spoke to eachother. Trying to be a comedian, I told them at the outset that when they were ready to order they could just give me a ring, and I gave them the phone number to the kitchen. You have never seen a face like that of the grill guy when he answered that call...
 
I know, obvious pet peeve....and I'm sure one that's been sufficently covered.
 
2) Mumbling. My superpowers unfortunatley do not include supersonic hearing. If you mumble, I have to get closer to hear you. If you mumble a lot, I have to get really close - and that brings me in range of the terrible ass breath that mumbling types generally have.
 
3) The playful little subtrifuge that goes on between adults who are all trying to pay the check. It's one thing when people argue over the check at the table, it's another thing entirely when you find me, pull me aside to a dark corner and hand me your credit card and threaten me with bodily harm if I allow your dinner mate to pick up the check. Of course, dinner mate does the exact same thing. Oh, if I wasn't so damn pathologically honest....
 
4) People who want me to show them with my hands how big a particular item on the menu is. Vocal descriptions won't do it for these folks. I am utterly amazed at the sheer volume of customers who wish me to perform this service. There are many reasons why I'm glad I'm not a man, but this is probably one of the biggest reasons - I mean, can you imagine?
 
5)Competitive dieting. The first woman orders a salad with oil and vinegar on the side. The next woman has to out-starve the first, so she orders a salad with no oil, just lemon juice. By the time you get to the last woman ordering, we're talking a glass of warm saltwater and a laxitive. The veins are popping out on my forhead just thinking about this one...

Answer

I have never heard "Chateau Giuliani" ... if I were waiting tables at this point in my life, this too would make me homicidal.
 
In reference to Shmingrid's phone rant - if the guy sitting next to us last night in Mee Noodle House is reading this, I hope you had heartburn after leaving. You really, really made me angry with how little respect you had for other customers, with your little phone appendage growing out of your head like a tumor.
 
I remember one of my biggest rants was "people who MUST sit outside," no matter how busy or cold it is. I still cringe when I see a party enter an EMPTY restaurant where they basically have the pick of the place, and they get exasperated because they HAVE to sit outside. They'll wait an hour at the bar to do this.

Answer

"The phrase "Chateau Giuliani" for ice water."
 
First time I heard this one was from a waiter, go figure.

Answer

Thanks for this thread Chris! What a hoot! I worked in the restruant busisness for years, retired in 95. I'm sooo glad I didn't encounter the cell phone rudeness, guess they hadn't been so wide spread yet. It's hard enough dealing with thier rudness as a customer, I can't even imagine trying to deal with being put "on hold" during a lunch rush!
 
Joann Creekmore

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