Tim Ferriss, the obscenely ambitious self-help author behind the blockbuster The 4-Hour Workweek, is now coming out with the The 4-Hour Chef. If the latter is anything like the former, we expect that the jacket copy will look a little something like this:

Join Tim Ferriss, popular guest lecturer in entrepreneurship at Princeton University, as he teaches you:

*How to make scratch croissants in 15 minutes, with time to make and enjoy fresh-brewed espresso while they bake

*How to dine out in fancy restaurants and be paid for the privilege, by the chef and the owner themselves, in 24-karat gold coins of nationalities and denominations of your choosing

*How to filet a whole buffalo and bone two chickens for a festive backyard barbecue for 200 in under an hour using only a needle, thread, and a tuning fork that produces the note G-sharp

*How to boil an egg with your mind

*What foods you can eat that will not merely help you burn fat, but will actually teach you how to attain the Buddhist state of Nirvana and also commune with the dead

*How to home-distill a special vodka that is stronger than 200 proof, mixes like a dream, but will not get you drunk beyond the legal limit, cause a hangover, or otherwise lead to serious injury

*How to actually make one of Rachael Ray’s 30-minute meals in 30 minutes

Are we buying it? Oh yeah, we’re buying it.

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