Presidential contenders regularly slog through public appearances where they grit their teeth and chow down on folksy food meant to emphasize their connection with plain ol’ regular folks.
But what if each Republican hopeful was, in fact, a type of food suited to his or her real personality? The results might look a little something like this:
Mitt Romney: A German bean sprout salad—pretty dull at first glance, but actually kind of exciting when you dig into the specifics.
Tim Pawlenty: A granola bar dipped in the thinnest veneer of chocolate. One of those very dry, very traditional granola bars.
Sarah Palin (yeah, we know she’s not an official candidate, but still): A stack of IHOP pancakes—sounds fantastic on the menu, looks fantastic on the plate, ultimately tastes like IHOP food.
Herman Cain: The pizza entrepreneur who recently said, “Based upon the little knowledge that I have of the Muslim religion, you know, they have an objective to convert all infidels or kill them,” is represented—after much thought and consideration—by a bag of mixed nuts.
Michele Bachmann: A Long Island Iced Tea—entertaining and easy to enjoy, leaves a hell of a hangover.
Jon Huntsman: A tasty cut of prime steak served up to a table of die-hard vegans.
Newt Gingrich: An impressively large bubble-gum bubble about two seconds after popping.
Ron Paul: A triple shot of espresso brewed with a mix of caffeinated water and 5-Hour Energy. The breakfast beverage that says: “If you’re going somewhere, you may as well go very, very fast.”
Image source for bean sprout salad: Flickr member joelogon under Creative Commons
Image source for pancakes: Flickr member Pink Sherbet Photography under Creative Commons
Image source for steak: Flickr member Joe Marinaro under Creative Commons