I’m sick of natural peanut butter. Even after you stir it out of its congealed state, you wind up breaking your bread into clumps trying to spread it.

Everyone in my house eats the natural stuff, and I obviously want to be a part of the cool crowd. But since when is it not acceptable to eat Jif or Skippy or even Peter Pan? I know there’s a whole bunch of crap in those brands that shifts the delicate balance of one’s digestive ecosystem, but they taste so good, and spread so easily when compared to Adams or Laura Scudder’s.

My recent tipping point occurred when I tried to spread natural peanut butter over a Granny Smith apple. It felt more like laying concrete, and totally ruined the excitement of my snack.

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