I Paid: $5.99 for a family pack that makes three gyros (prices may vary by region)
“Opaa!” (Greek for, roughly, “Hell yeah!”) is not the exclamation that you’re likely to utter when wolfing down a frozen gyro while watching How I Met Your Mother on a Sunday afternoon. But it’s nice that the makers of this food product are sufficiently committed that they’ll at least fake some enthusiasm for us.
The Opaa! Gyros Kit by Grecian Delight Foods comes frozen, and is ready to heat and eat after a 12-hour thaw in the fridge. It consists of three pitas, about 15 strips of gyro meat (mostly beef and breadcrumbs), and tzatziki sauce.
The classic street gyro is normally shaved off of a previously frozen cone of low-grade meat originally processed by the Kronos company in Chicago, which sets the bar relatively low in terms of expectations. The Opaa! Gyros Kit runs up to that low bar and lazily hurdles it with at least two or three inches of clearance: The soft, pliable meat product in this kit is as good as a decent restaurant or food-cart gyro product.
The result of this kit, ultimately, is an eminently craveable, easy-to-assemble white-bread gyro that can be prepared on the stovetop or in a microwave. The tzatziki is more like bland, creamy mayo than is typical of the yogurt-based dressing, the gyro doesn’t have a ton of texture, flavor, or fight, but the overall sandwich is pleasant, soothing, and fairly caloric—490 calories as listed. And while it’s not the gyro of my dreams (those were sold in Midtown Manhattan circa 2004, at the corner of Park and 33rd), it’s not bad either; consumers looking for a moderately shameful but pleasant Mediterranean tryst in the comfort of their own home should look no further.