We’ve all heard about the environmental problems with bottled water. You know, little things like the fact that producing the plastic for the bottles uses millions of barrels of oil and spews tons of carbon dioxide. And then there’s the massive transportation involved in getting all those bottles to stores. And the fact that plain old water from our home taps is held to higher standards of purity.

These issues have been all over the media for years, but they haven’t seemed to affect sales of bottled water at all. In fact, in 2007, the industry reported growth of 7.8 percent, to $11.7 billion in sales.

Now, however, a new problem with bottled water has surfaced, and it may just bring everything to a grinding halt. Drinking bottled water, it turns out, can give you wrinkles.

The phenomena is being called “water lips.” Like cigarette smokers, bottled-water drinkers have to scrunch up their mouths to get their fix, and the repeated motion is causing fine lines to form around the edges of the lips. Quelle horreur.

The hilariously scare-a-riffic news piece quotes Washington DC dermatologist Dr. Marilyn Berzin, who advises that water drinkers use wide-mouth bottles or cups and allow their upper lips to stay relaxed while drinking.

And people, no matter how delicious the water is, please—please—remain expressionless.

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