Mountain Dew Game Fuel

Mountain Dew Game Fuel

I Paid: $4.79 for a dozen 12-ounce cans (prices may vary by region)

Taste: 2 stars

Marketing: 4 stars

When did we become a culture that needs food explicitly matched up to the activities we undertake on a daily basis? There are special bars to eat if you’re a runner, a special powder to mix into your food if you’re a weightlifter, and this year—in a truly perverse development—a limited-edition specially flavored Mountain Dew to drink if you’re one of the more than 11 million people who play World of Warcraft.

(If you’ve been living in a remote bomb shelter for the past 10 years—lucky you, in some ways—here’s the deal: Our president is a black man from Hawaii named Barack Hussein Obama, and WoW is a “massively multiplayer” online gaming experience that has redefined online socializing, pushed gaming benchmarks hundreds of yards farther down the field, and busted up countless already unstable marriages.)

Game Fuel comes in two varieties: Citrus Cherry and Wild Fruit. The former is a road-hazard-orange color and smells almost exactly like Tahitian Treat (if you haven’t tried that relatively obscure soda, just think Hawaiian Punch + sugar + carbonation + more sugar). To be fair, there is also a mandarin-orange-like aftertaste that is rather pleasant. Wild Fruit is some sort of blueberry-meets-raspberry-meets-cotton-candy thing, and is a color of blue so ungodly that it should be exorcised.

All things considered, neither flavor has the purity and focus of conventional Mountain Dew. So take note: Whether you’re slaying Gruul the Dragonkiller or challenging the denizens of the Temple of Ahn’Qiraj, you’d be better off with regular Dew—or maybe just a cup of good old coffee.

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