Here’s a lesson to learn, before it’s too late for you: Don’t put anything on the Internet you wouldn’t want to see reprinted on Grub Street. With its mocking piece “Facebook Brings Chefs Closer Together,” New York magazine collects amusing, and often humiliating, tidbits culled from the Facebook profiles of “the bright young things who slave away in the shadows of the line.”

Oh, how embarrassed the chef from Mario Batali’s Casa Mono must be at knowing his boss is reading his job description: “Italian Food, Spanish Food, Dog Food.” The sous-chef at Olea Mediterranean Taverna would similarly probably prefer that his co-workers not know that he “dislikes olives as much as ‘people with fake tits.’” For her part, the Gramercy Tavern pastry chef de partie may have some behind-the-scenes explaining to do about her Facebook claim that her “relationship status is ‘complicated,’ but she’s ‘looking for random play.’” And finally, the Bouley line cook’s “fondness for ‘chasing skirts’ and ‘nutsacks’” is now public knowledge.

Yes, it’s mean-spirited, but it sure is funny. My main thought, however? How long, my God, how long did Grub Street’s Alexandra Vallis have to comb Facebook to come up with these gems? And how long was it before the called-out cooks removed what she found from their profiles? Oh, I hope they don’t. We all love nutsacks; only when the taint of shame is removed from the love that dare not speak its name can we all walk free in the light.

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