We reported last week that Paul Levy, in an essay for Slate, decried the increasingly macho nature of food writing and declined to join the movement. That’s OK, because there are those who want to take his place.

In a hilarious post on his blog, Roots and Grubs, Matthew Amster-Burton throws his hat into the ring. “Great! That means there’s a spot open, so I’m opting in. No more vegetable bullshit for me. Only real man food.”

For a sample of Matthew’s planned life as a macho food writer:

Friday: Take [daughter] Iris to school, fireman-carry style, with three links of blood sausage in her lunch. Then head to Metropolitan Grill to trail in the kitchen, cutting steaks. Accidentally sever thumb. Grill thumb to perfection and serve it to the chef, flipping him the (unsevered) bird as I pack my knives and go.

Um, Paul: Don’t let the (gore-splattered) door hit you on the way out.

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