Living in a Washington condo complex populated with “career-minded, child-free” types, Amy Monroe at metro blog DCist laments that after three years in the city,

this DCist has yet to drop a single Tootsie Pop into the plastic pumpkin of a 5-year-old pirate. So, this Halloween, we’re likely to be doing the same thing we do every Tuesday night—watching Gilmore Girls. But this Tuesday night, we’ll be watching it in front of a pile of undistributed mini-Twix.

Although Monroe never addresses the obvious question of why she continues to hit the candy aisle when supply so clearly outstrips demand, she does come up with a snappy morning-after way to unload those extra candy bars: Serve ‘em with liquor!

Butterfingers, it turns out, go quite swimmingly with a viscous Australian “sticky” like Chambers Rutherglen Muscat, which smells and tastes just like toffee. Got a fifty-buck bottle of Taylor Fladgate 20-year-old tawny port lying around? Unwrap the Snickers, since “tawnies have a silky, rich texture that stands up to the thick caramel/nougat/chocolate combo.”

On Chowhound, slightly more kid-friendly uses of leftover sweets ranged from “reuse them next year” and “save for gingerbread houses” to “make a candy train” and “break up a bar in your oatmeal.”

But if you didn’t get scared enough last night, try this recipe, billed as “a sneaky way to get the kids to eat some fruit.” Eeeeeek!

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