If you happen to catch a football (that’s soccer to us Pilgrims) match at Chelsea’s stadium, Stamford Bridge, you better empty your pockets of any stalks of celery you might have knocking about in there.

Why? Because it is a criminal offense to throw the stringy vegetable at football matches. It’s a criminal offense to throw anything at a football match in England in fact, but celery is getting a special mention. Observant hooligans are also encouraged to rat out any wild celery-throwers they observe at a match. All their reports will be “treated in confidence.”

The reason why Chelsea fans choose celery over, say, asparagus spears or spaghetti squash is that they have been singing a rather unique song about Chelsea, celery, and their footie rivals for years.

Now, I don’t know the particulars of the law, so I’m not sure if ALL celery is banned or just the hard, fresh, crunchy stuff. Maybe the bendy bits left in the bottom of your crisper drawer are OK because they would hurt less? And what do the poor folks do if they have a tradition of bringing Ants on a Log to snack on?

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