Guides to the best romantic restaurants abound, but where should couples engaged in an illicit affair share a meal before bedding down? Taking a page from Choire Sicha’s recent New York Observer article surveying Manhattan’s dining scene for the “quintessential Affair Restaurant,” Britain’s Observer Food Monthly has published its recommendations for where to “lunch your lover” across the pond. Selecting a restaurant with high-wall leather booths is suggested (for “padded privacy” “[o]r even an under-the-table fumble”), while eating lettuce and spinach (“green tooth curse”) is not. And then there’s this bit of advice for adulterous diners to keep their appetites (sexual and gustatory) in line:

Have a discreet snack before the meal to dampen the ravening appetite. You want it to be evident that you’re more interested in her than the food. In Las Vegas, the police recommend that (male) punters masturbate before going out on the town. Think about it–you want to appear cool and collected, not hot and sweaty. Just a suggestion.

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