Dairy Queen’s got a relatively new commercial out on the market touting its new popcorn shrimp. Perhaps you’ve seen it? It features two anthropomorphic computer-animated shrimp who have been joined in the holy union of matrimony.

SHRIMP WIFE: Hey, honey! Whaddya got there?

SHRIMP HUSBAND: Popcorn from Dairy Queen! Wanna try?

SHRIMP WIFE: Sure! Mmm! Hey … wait a second … this isn’t popcorn, you idiot … IT’S POPCORN SHRIMP!

SHRIMP HUSBAND: You know, I knew there was something familiar about it.

SHRIMP WIFE: Hold on. Where are the kids?


Underlying assumption #1: Cannibalistic crustaceans really move product.

Underlying assumption #2: America wants to buy its seafood from a maker of third-rate ice cream products. Granted, America already buys its seafood from Red Lobster, but at least it’s got a relevant name.

Underlying assumption #3: You want to eat anthropomorphic shrimp babies and children, ensuring that they never attend another day of shrimp preschool or go back to Camp Arthopowanna, the tiny shrimp summer camp under the sea.

Congratulations to Dairy Queen on their wonderful new ad campaign!

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